what's going on around here

gift

2012-01-03T10:11:00.005-05:00

One of the best gifts I have ever received is one my friend made for me this Christmas. It has some phrases from Lamentations. "Wait for hope to appear."

Hope keeps appearing! I hadn't looked for it much before, ever. I didn't notice when it did show up. But I see it--in the bags--many bags--we are donating to Goodwill out of our closets. I see hope in the brightness of the snow on the ground. Hope has appeared as we cleared out the last of the sugar/fat/calorie laden holiday treats. An unmarked year-long calendar--full of hope. There's hope in my father-in-law's eyes whenever we come to visit.

Hope is a gift--one of the best. This year, the four of us did not exchange gifts for Christmas. We decided we had enough stuff and wanted to focus on other people. My focus on these three most important people became intangible and so satisfying. We worked together on all our activities and we agreed in prayer. And--surprise! I got a gift! Hope appeared, glinting in their eyes and words and hugs and intentions. It's not over--Merry Christmas!

seems like

2011-12-31T10:57:00.002-05:00

Notre Dame Cathedral, Paris, France

We were here on Palm Sunday, this past April. We were tourists, but we walked through the cathedral during a Palm Sunday mass. I was very moved: by the ceremony, the hearts of the attendees, the significance of the day, the privilege of my presence there and then.

There aren't a lot of comparisons to today. I'm in my kitchen, in Mansfield, Ohio. The only one awake in my house. The day is grey and rainy. But it seems like an important day to pray. Not that I don't almost all the time. But, still, I will be deliberate.

I am asking for mercy. For many, many situations and people. To cover hurt and sin and confusion and yukky stuff like a warm, heated blanket. (I got one of these as an unexpected gift last year. Then I lost the cord. Then I found it again on Tuesday and immediately lost it again. Then Joe found it last night. There are parallels....) :)

I ask for clarity. I pray that the lies that we are so prone to believe will be proven untrue. I pray for the faith to believe the truth! I ask for the relief and peace that God's truth gives.

I am praying for deep-seated joy. You know how some laughter is different--it's so good and deep that it feels like something is fixed in you after you laugh that way? I'm asking for the equivalent in joy. Or, maybe, it's the exact same thing. Whatever it is, I want it, for me and for you and for all our important people.

Amen.

oh hi

2011-12-29T19:48:00.002-05:00

Remember me, my blog asks. Yes, occasionally and fondly. I've missed a lot of documentation since last March or April.

But here we are now. There's the four of us, on a Christmas card that isn't the one that I *may* get in the mail tomorrow (but it's similar). We are well and grateful for that.

The past several months were too significant to summarize--maybe bits and pieces will come out as I write in the future. But today was a good day and I want to write down a few things so I don't forget.

Here we go. I walked four or five miles with my friend. It was icy and a little snowy. And our conversation was as nourishing as a meal.

Laurel and I went to Columbus to shop at a store we had never visited and found treasures! Including the coolest pair of earrings I have owned recently. And some black skinny jeans for my (now) styling husband.

We ate yummy, yummy food at an Italian equivalent of Chipotle with my sister Dianne and her kids. Every bit of that experience was awesome, from my perfectly tossed salmon, greens and artichoke salad to Asher completely enjoying handfuls of pesto covered angel hair pasta.

The sky was gorgeous--fabulously so--all day.

We ran into a friend (Ryan Davenport) on High Street! He's only in town a few days. It was great to see him.

The best part of the day, though, was being with my almost-adult daughter. She is one of my favorite people in the whole world. I love her very self. She made this day a gift.

mosaic

2011-04-12T13:07:00.000-04:00

We have a trip planned. We are going to Paris and Barcelona--all four of us! We're excited--so very, very. It's going to be awesome!

We have a few other things planned, too. An OHS Jazz Band performance. An honors reception. A graduation. A busy summer. Lots of different atmospheres, conversations, people, unknowns.

I'm still thinking about the ideas in my last post, though. As much as I enjoy anticipating something exciting and dread the approach of something difficult, it's the unplanned moments that seem to have the most potential for touching my soul. Like last night, when I kissed the inside of my daughter's arm and she laughed. Or yesterday, when an exchange with someone who I'm not sure is my friend was not only pleasant, but fun. Or in church on Sunday, when Joe's arm around my shoulders was perfectly placed.

(And I prefer the not-so-great moments sprung on me. I think.)

I kind of want to ride these next two months or so loving the highs and feeling the lows. And on the lookout for unexpectedly gorgeous moments, that look like colorful pieces of broken glass placed in a mosaic.

I'll get back with you!

new pic

2011-04-08T08:01:00.000-04:00

Last week I met an old friend--Jill. We've been blog friends and facebook friends for a few years now, but we met in real life at my cousin's adoption party for their son. Jill said she could stand to see a new picture on my blog... (she's a gentle soul).

So this is my morning. It's golden.

This is an unexpected twist. Because the April page on my calendar is so full, I could barely peek at it back in March. There were no golden mornings even hinted at.

Lots of writing, things scratched off, big events that I am supposed to run--and of which I am having trouble picturing the details. A trip. Deadlines.

What if I categorized my days differently--by color (like my cousin Amber does) or by song or by number of times I laugh or cry? Or by phrases that move my heart or people I really make eye contact with or by hugs--both number and quality? Or by every whisper--or shout--from God?

Truth is, my scary calendar is deceptive. My times are way more like the gift of the sunrise than like a scratched off dentist appointment. Sometimes I'm afraid my many, many activities are what prop me up; that I would collapse without a zillion little errands. But, no. Golden mornings sustain me.

baroque

2011-01-13T13:15:00.000-05:00

That's my new mug and my new napkins and my new favorite Vera Bradley pattern, right there.

Baroque, it's called.

I didn't have an old favorite pattern. I only know about this pattern because Laurel works at a boutique (PurseSnickety) that sells Vera Bradley merchandise.

But I really like the black and the grey and the spring green (kinda looks yellow in this pic).

It helps make my procrastination seem so much more civilized. ("I'm not just drinking tea and reading blogs and watching the snow fall and thinking; I'm doing all that with a Fancy-Patterned Mug in my hand...," I tell myself. See how it works?)

I am working on a lesson for a class Sunday at church about the Name of God. In 1 Kings 8, Solomon talks about God's Name being in the temple and people hearing about God's name and calling out his name and honoring his name. It turns out it's a huge subject and, while I should be looking things up and finding things out, I am instead sitting here with my baroque mug and appreciating the meandering paths of individual snowflakes and pondering the connection between the temple Solomon built and the temple that is my body and imagining the power and the holiness and the glory and the authority and the majesty of God's Name in me!

Not unlike the tea that is now in me. Sorry if that seems disrespectful or disconnected, but why are the benefits of food and drink so obvious that I try never to go without, yet this Name of God that is in me is so often forgotten or ignored or dismissed or rendered impotent?

Cool thought: my temple, my self, filled with all that is associated with God's name, every time I drink out of my baroque mug. Hmmmmm.......

Wow, this isn't where I thought this post was going. Hahaha. I'm not going to change the title, though. Anyone have thoughts? (I guess I should ask if anyone still reads this....). :)

2010-12-19T15:54:00.001-05:00

awesome OHS jazz, concert and symphonic band performances today! Nice job--especially percussion and bass clarinet sections!

2010-12-18T21:43:00.001-05:00

cute kid cheering the pep band with me at the game tonight

2010-12-17T21:12:00.001-05:00

can I blog from my phone?

busy busy busy

2010-12-17T12:06:00.002-05:00

but in a good way!

I'm still having trouble posting pictures: that is my sad excuse for not posting at all. This post is a short term remedy.

We have loved the snow this December! Every day looks like Christmas and every new snowfall is a new gift. Laurel is driving for the first time in winter weather and doing just fine!

Taylor has been very busy with his AP classes, especially English. It gives this former English teacher's heart such a rich joy to talk through assignments and works and ideas. Plus, he's creative and has different opinions than I and either enjoys the interaction or is willing to humor me. I love it!

He's also been involved with a couple honors bands this year--bringing us to concerts of some of the most incredible high school music I've heard.

Laurel has also been busy with homework, a new job, and editing many sets of family and senior pictures. She goes to a weekly Bible study, sings and now plays keyboard on a church worship team, and is eagerly anticipating the family visitors we are expecting next week.

Joe is working what might be a normal monthly average of hours. Schedule changes have been less frequent than they have the past 11 years we've been here, and this set of holiday shifts have not been ideal, but they have been the least bumpy.

I have been running after everyone, trying to fill in gaps and help in emergencies (everything from a 10 PM run to Walmart for 5 lbs. of potatoes to help illustrate the potato blight in Ireland to getting a car out of someone's front yard on a snowy day). I've been reading and cooking and baking and having conversations with people (I lead a small group at youth group).

And rejoicing over each snowflake.

I'll write again soon, I hope. In the meantime, consider this our Christmas letter (that's what it sounded like upon rereading) and accept our blessings and hopes for much joy and a clearer understanding of the love Jesus has for you during the next few days and all of next year!

lately

2010-12-04T08:57:00.003-05:00

This was my favorite image Wednesday--the sun behind a snow cloud.

Just a quick list of what's been going on..

*Laurel is a licensed driver with a car I kinda covet and a job at a cool purse store :)

*Taylor has been playing bass clarinet in honors district and regional bands (one performance is this afternoon--can't wait!) and doing a TON of homework

*I've been reading a bunch and baking a bunch and planning a bunch

*Joe's job is going pretty okay--back in Mansfield, for the moment

*I lead a small group at youth group of some very awesome girls

*We are full swing into our holiday celebrations, preparations, decorations and traditions

*God continues to be faithful to us and I am so very grateful

*I figured out how to get a picture on this blog again! I may be back ;)

graduate?

2010-11-01T21:34:00.003-04:00

My kid is a senior and has plans to finish school. I think he will, and do well in the process.

But graduation depends on some things like ordering the cap and gown and getting announcements out and all that. That's my job.

So 25 years (estimated--as you will see, I can't claim any skills, math included, that might be learned in school) after my graduation, I'm having trouble filling out the forms. First, I made notes on something that needs to be turned in. Then I didn't read the instructions about the part that makes sure his name is printed on the announcements and I...messed it up beyond repair.

Now I have to go to the academic counselor (who works with me on the Academic Booster committee) and request a new packet. Um, lame.

I think the kids should process their own information, since their minds are all sharp and whatnot. And I can stick with doubling recipes and texting. :)

how we dysfunction

2010-10-31T21:14:00.003-04:00

Conversation between Laurel and me, in front of two of her friends, last night:

Laurel: "Did you get my text?"

Me: "Yes. Did you get mine?"

Laurel: "No..."

Me: "Oh, it didn't send. Just a minute, I'll resend."

Her friends: "Wow, she's right here! You could just tell her."

Me: "Oh yeah, well, I just sent it..."

Hahaha. Just trying to keep all lines of communication open!

can't wait

2010-10-24T15:59:00.002-04:00

I just added this documentary about the Helvetica font to my Blockbuster queue.

I am so excited!

I am such a nerd.

:)

homecoming

2010-09-22T20:11:00.005-04:00

So proud of how they act, how they clean up, the efforts they make to be good hosts and ensure their friends have a good time. So glad they know what defines a good time. So thankful for my kids!

I didn't forget

2010-09-16T16:21:00.004-04:00

For 12 years, I have struggled with picture day at school.

Most often, I just forgot. And the kids went to school in clothes that were....not what they would have worn had I remembered. And also, a different hair style than I preferred.

Other times, I didn't schedule a haircut in time. Sometimes, the laundry wasn't done.

Once I remembered the haircuts, the laundry, and the clothing choices but forgot to send money.

Not this year.

Laurel brought an order envelope home a few weeks ago, and I didn't lose it and I circled, highlighted and personally checked the calendar almost daily. I was not going to miss this.

So the night before picture day, I still hadn't seen Taylor's order envelope. He told me he had it, but I wanted to be on top of this. I asked him to go get it, and he did, after giving me a little eyeroll.

His friend who was over at the time, said, "Yeah, it's funny they even gave us those this year."

I was trying to understand the significance of his remark when he started talking about someone who graduated a few years ago who wore weird glasses and funny clothes and sat in a goofy pose for the school picture her senior year.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, that's right! Laurel has already taken some of Taylor's senior pictures. There's an example, right up at the top.

Yeah, I'm catching up.

games, tests and concerts

2010-09-11T13:03:00.004-04:00

Laurel, Joe and Dillon

Taylor

After a crazy exciting football game (we lost in overtime) with an outstanding pregame and half-time show by the band and drill team, we are in the middle of another ADD-inducing weekend.

Right now, those kids in the pics are upstairs, practicing for a concert tonight. They are opening for two other bands. It's exciting. They have really grown as musicians and (bonus!) they play the music I really want to hear.

Taylor took the ACT this morning. Laurel had a friend over night. Two guys who are working on our basement bathroom have been here and gone. The two out of town bands who are playing tonight are staying at our house over night. I am teaching a Sunday School class tomorrow. Taylor is helping in the special needs class. Then my youth group small group is coming over to make brownies, and we are off to youth group!

And homework will supposedly be completed in there somewhere.

And maybe a nap.

What are you up to?

things I was not prepared for

2010-09-08T12:42:00.003-04:00

...and am completely thrilled by:

*my son telling me he's going to be an English major

*liking--really a lot--the boy and the boy's entire family who Laurel is "in a relationship" with

*an anticipation for snow. Lots of it!

*falling in love...with my husband. Not that I had fallen out of love. But I'm kinda more excited about being married to him than...I had been. Someone must have prayed for us. Maybe it was him! ;)

*my kids are way better musicians than Joe and I put together. Some God-thing must have happened in the whole gene-combining thing.

*to experience such a fabulous display of color, cloud and wind last night

Anything unexpected but really cool happen to you lately?

weekend notes

2010-09-06T18:44:00.002-04:00

*fun football game--chaperoning on the bus ride, laughing with friends, a really good band/drill team performance, and... a win!

*reminder of the sometimes slow, sometimes lonely pace of Joe back on regular shifts. (Weekend evenings = bleh).

*quality talk time with my son. Recognizing God's hand in his life is humbling and thrilling.

*considering switching to Kroger from Walmart for major grocery shopping.

*reconnecting with relatives I haven't seen in many years at my cousin's wedding reception = rich.

*my nephew Asher may be the cutest, most fun baby ever. (Besides his sisters and cousins.) Definitely the top of the chart of babies in my life right now!

*ran into friends at the Labor Day parade and had a great morning with them.

*raspberry pie was amazing, along with a meatball/bacon/barbecue sauce thing that didn't turn out like my friend's do, but tasted great anyway! (I think Marshallville Packing bacon is too meaty...)

*very sweet time with new friends and old (well, by comparison of length of time known) family. :)

*listening to my kids and their friends jam. They make the best music.

bum bum

2010-09-03T13:44:00.002-04:00

See my poor languishing biking blog over there? I'm too lazy to post. But I'm still riding.

My friend and I rode all spring and summer. We had a few crazy weeks that we trained with our teenagers for our annual 180 mile bike trip, so we rode in big scary packs and didn't get to talk like we usually do.

But we had plans to talk a lot on the bike trip itself. We ride all day (with long breaks thrown in).

But the first day was some tough riding: headwinds, then a downpour, then thunderstorms. We ended up riding with our kids, encouraging and cheering them on.

I was pleased with how the day went. We had ridden all year, but had not done many hills, and I wondered if it would affect my ride. I actually think this was the best I had ever done--it was certainly the best I had felt!

But the first night, my friend fell on some uneven steps in the dark (the power was out, with the storm) and broke a piece of bone off her foot. So our long, 2-day talk was completely canceled.

The next day was a very sweet ride: perfect weather, smooth roads.

And we all recovered and we are back riding again. Three days ago, I was making a u-turn, very slowly, and my bike slid on some loose gravel and I fell for the first time in years. I landed hard, no scrapes, just a bruise.

And we rode again today.

so, anyway

2010-08-31T20:06:00.002-04:00

I had promised some news. I've been avoiding posting this because I don't know where to go with it and I like to know at least that the direction is positive even when I can't fathom what I really want: the ending.

While our house was being "fixed" we left for a few days, back in July. When we came home, our basement smelled really bad and the bathroom was full of water. We think scaffolding bumped an outdoor spigot and water leaked into the house for three days.

So, the problem we were trying to fix for years was fixed. And our basement smelled the opposite of what it should have.

Today we talked with people who are going to replace the ceiling and walls in the basement bathroom. They asked if part of the solution could be crown molding around the ceiling. I hate crown molding.

Not that that is an issue at this point. It's more of a symbol.

It is interesting to me that Jesus challenged us to invest in a home that isn't corruptible. What He didn't say is that the house I invest in anywhere but in His kingdom is not only corruptible; it is rotting around me.

I know scripture pretty well, I think. By "know", I mean I sometimes understand what it means. Other times the concepts are way over my head. Sometimes I truly believe scripture. And sometimes my Father gives me an object lesson to help me get it just a little better.

So I am unsure where I land in all our chaos, frustration and, well, sadness. One other thing I know is that scripture says God loves me. I spent most of my summer studying this truth and talking about it and experiencing it. I know it's true. (Isaiah 43--the stuff Laurel has on her notebook, yeah, it's all right there).

God loves me. Our house and all its issues has something to do with His love. I don't know what, exactly. But I do know I am deeply grateful for some gift of faith He has given me that allows me to know--to believe--that He loves me.

my kid makes me laugh

2010-08-29T18:39:00.003-04:00

Yesterday he described what he wanted to eat for lunch: mashed potatoes, leftover sausage and leftover seafood fajitas from a Mexican restaurant mixed with leftover broccoli, scrambled eggs and bacon, with barbecue sauce and melted cheese on top. He loved it, and my refrigerator is cleaned out.

He told me about something a teacher said Friday at school: "We'll do more on Monday." Which he and a few friends interpreted as: "We'll do Moron Monday." So they are now planning a special day tomorrow. They looked some things up on youtube and found that Moron Monday involves wearing clothes, metal music, brooms, and tricks involving skateboards or other boards on wheels. They can't wait.

He wrote a paper for English that had to have a "Works Cited" page. He pointed out that, surprisingly, this part of a paper could be met with much greater enthusiasm than normal if someone heard the page referred to: "We're excited."

My kid makes me laugh.

she's ready

2010-08-23T16:51:00.003-04:00

Laurel spent more time on the cover of a folder for the first day of school tomorrow than she did school shopping. Here are the quotes she used:

Isaiah 43
When You're Between a Rock and a Hard Place
But now, God's Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob,
the One who got you started, Israel:
"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you.
I've called your name. You're mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place,
it won't be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That's how much you mean to me!
That's how much I love you!
I'd sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you.
"So don't be afraid: I'm with you. I'll round up all your scattered children,
pull them in from east and west. I'll send orders north and south:'Send them back.
Return my sons from distant lands,my daughters from faraway places. I want them back, every last one who bears my name,every man, woman, and child Whom I created for my glory,yes, personally formed and made each one.'"

And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
What can stand against?

Wonderful grace of Jesus,
Greater than all my sin;
How shall my tongue describe it,
Where shall its praise begin?
Taking away my burden,
Setting my spirit free;
For the wonderful grace of Jesus reaches me.

Wonderful the matchless grace of Jesus,
Deeper than the mighty rolling sea;
Higher than the mountain, sparkling like a fountain,
All sufficient grace for even me;
Broader than the scope of my transgressions,
Greater far than all my sin and shame,
O magnify the precious Name of Jesus.
Praise His Name!

I can finally see that You're right there beside me.
I am not my own. For I have been made new.
Please don't let me go. I desperately need You!

I will arise and go to Jesus, He will embrace me in His arms;
In the arms of my dear Savior, oh, there are ten thousand charms.

And a Sponge Bob smiley face sticker.

No, LindaSue. Nothing like that.

2010-08-22T07:39:00.002-04:00

The last weekend of summer break is upon us. We've done it big.

We hosted a high school band bonfire last night at our house. I think there were around 65 people here--band kids, drill team, a few parents. I was so impressed with group: they were friendly, they mixed it up, they clearly had fun.

Taylor is the band president this year. His best friend is the captain of the football team. Another good friend is the head of the cheerleaders and drill team. And they have been talking about their senior year for a while now.

I guess there is a typical tendency to promote one's own discipline by disrespecting another. But these three have made a goal to discourage that talk and that attitude and to try to mark this year as one of unity in school spirit. They are all Ontario Warriors, after all.

I love this. I'm not sure I would have had the insight or strength or maturity to pursue similar goals had I been in a position to when I was their age.

So last night was a success on many levels.

We are thinking, however, that we have some twisted control over weather. Every bonfire we've scheduled this summer has been rained out, in a major way. Last night, Joe grilled in steady downpour, although the rain stopped and everyone was able to be outside for most of the evening. So if you live in our area, and feel it's getting a little too dry, let us know. We'll plan for an outdoor fire. ;)

so, anyway

2010-08-19T10:36:00.002-04:00

We've been busy--the fun, good, tiring kind.

We went on the bike trip. And to camp. And came home to band camp, which ends tomorrow.

School starts Tuesday. Someone asked me yesterday if I breathe a huge sigh of relief when the kids go to school. I told her, "No. I really miss them."

Right now, today, this summer, these past few years, I am living my dream. I LOVE my kids' teen years. They are what I always pictured when I thought I knew what parenting was. I could hardly wait for these ages and I am drinking in every minute--even the difficult, bitter ones.

Joe is starting work back in Mansfield in two weeks. We can't tell yet if this will be an improved job situation or not. At least the commute will be better.

CBS is gearing up. I imagine. I wondered how sad I would be about not being in leadership this fall. So far.....not too sad at all. My kids, a few others and I have an opportunity to teach a Sunday School class this fall, and I'm excited about it.

There's other news. But if I tell it all now, I won't need to post for another month, right? So, check back. :)

house part II

2010-07-15T10:33:00.004-04:00

After a wonderful family vacation in Colorado, we came home to phase 2 of our house repair. Scaffolding had been erected, bushes trimmed to the base, a truck left parked by the side of our house.

Three days later, the brick, the rotten wood underneath, Laurel's window, a spigot that got knocked and cracked and several lights, pictures and boxes (that were against the wall being fixed) are gone.

I am (usually) beating back the feelings of sadness, cynicism, violation, and anger by taking myself mentally to the place where moth and rust and rain and ethically weak builders cannot corrupt.

A new little idea has crept into my (fallen, selfish, incorrect, wordly) thinking, however. I think I could forego a mansion if I could have a Jaguar instead. Are there cars in heaven?

18

2010-06-24T17:13:00.003-04:00

I have an adult son. This fact would probably freak me out--more--if he were not so much who he is. Taylor has a maturity and wisdom (that has surpassed mine with increasing frequency lately...) that reassures me and blesses me and makes me think 18 is the exact right age for him.

I can't explain our relationship or its history. When he was a newborn I remember looking into his eyes and seeing mysteries and depths that I knew I could never probe. Yet, the simple joy of living in the same house as he has been privilege enough.

Taylor is kind. He's thoughtful. He can be hysterically funny. He's smart, so his humor works on many levels.

When he laughs hard, his entire body shakes. He's a walking ad for having a positive attitude. He is a morning person--does his best work at 5 AM. His walk with God is genuine, and he practices obedience.

Recently, Taylor's interest in music has gone in all kinds of directions (he asked for a book on the history of ska music for his birthday) and we can hear him play various guitars, drums, violin, and even singing lately!

We have a bonus year with both Taylor and Laurel. They would have been young in their classes at school, so we waited to send them. I have often wondered if we did the right thing. At this point, I'm thrilled.

This post just skims the surface of what I love about Taylor. What would you add?

16

2010-06-03T11:48:00.003-04:00

Laurel is 16 today. When she and Taylor were born I could hardly wait until they were teenagers because I knew we would have such a blast! And we are.

Here is a very short list of things I love about Laurel:

*her creativity astounds me

*she's generous

*and genuine

*her drumming has an artistic quality that moves my heart

*she makes the best cheese and bacon scrambled eggs in the world (this is not an exaggeration)

*her laugh--and her smile--are beautiful

*she's smart

*she's funny

*she's kind

*she listens when God talks

Short list, like I said. What would you add? (Thanks!)

Faith in the Storm

2010-05-24T19:39:00.002-04:00

Laurel has been working on a poetry notebook assigned in English class for the past few weeks. She had to analyze several poems. She had several different kinds to find, and a few that were her choice. The only stipulation for her choices were that they had been published.

So she found one in a book of poetry that my Grandma Pavkov had published when she was in her 90s. The poem was about my mom, Laurel's grandma.

I *LOVE* her analysis. You may have seen it on Facebook. If you didn't, you can read it here. She gave me permission to post it.

Faith in the Storm

For english, we had to do a poetry notebook and one of the things we had to do was find a published author and analyze one of their poems. It just so happens that my great-grandma had a poetry book published! so I chose a poem of hers called Faith in the Storm, and she said it was written for my Grandma, Carole, so this is mainly for you, Grandma, but anyone else feel free to read :)

Faith in the storm:
(To Carole)

The night was dark. The tempest lashed
with fury o're the land
when suddenly the current failed
(no candles were on hand)

Each lightning flash cast shadows weird
across the darkened room
Reverberating thunder rolled
and added to the gloom.

"The heavens declare God's Power," I mused
"Over all the thirsty land."
When quietly a small voice spoke:
"Mom--let me hold your hand."

The small request my baby made
i could well understand
for when life's treacherous storm clouds roll
I pray, "Lord, hold my hand."

Just reaching out to find Him there
routs terror in the night,
And, knowing He Who cares is near,
Turns darkness into light.

This is my analysis of this poem:

Helen Pavkov was my great-grandma. She was my mom's, mom's mom. Grandma Pavkov wrote poetry her whole life and her goal was to get a book published of her poems. Before she died a few years ago, my great Aunt made that happen and she now has a poetry book out. Grandma Pavkov wrote this poem to my grandma and about my grandma.
The first line in the poem is, “The night was dark.” This paints a mental picture of the setting. As I read this, I get a sense the storm, “When suddenly the current failed (no candles were on hand.)” I can picture this whole scene, “Each lightning flash cast shadows weird across the darkened room; reverberating thunder rolled and added to the gloom.” She uses adjectives such as darkened and reverberating to express the fierceness of the storm raging outside. Grandma Pavkov describes a little girls voice so simply, yet so perfectly. Lastly, the mental picture of, “turns darkness into light,” will stay in my head whenever I read that line.
There are two characters in this poem. The narrator and a little girl are witnessing a storm. The narrator comes across as brave. She isn't fazed by the storm raging outside. She is also reveling in God's awesome power when she says, “The heavens declare God's Power.” The little girl is afraid, but also comforted to know she has her mother's hand to hold through this scary time. Confidence in Jesus and confidence through the storm is also shown in the narrator. “And, knowing He Who cares is near, turns darkness into light,” shows that the narrator is confident in Jesus. The narrator also has a sense of compassion toward her daughter, she understands the feeling that the little girl is experiencing because the narrator has been there too. She says, “The small request my baby made I could well understand for when life's treacherous storm clouds roll I pray, 'Lord, hold my hand.'”
The meaning of this poem is that Jesus is always with us, especially through the storms of life. the narrator says “For when life's treacherous storm clouds roll I pray 'Lord, hold my hand,'” meaning that we need to ask for God to help us, because he knows that we are having trouble and he wants us to reach out our hand to him. This poem is also saying that Jesus cares about us, and that even in our darkest times and when we think we can not make it anymore on our own, that Jesus cares, Jesus is near and He can turn all our troubles and hard times into good things and lessons for us to learn in life.
There are many literary terms used throughout this poem. “reverberating thunder rolled...,” rolled is an onomatopoeia. The whole poem is an analogy. The dark, scary storm described at the beginning of the poem is like the storms of our life that are sometimes too much for us to bear. Then more problems just kept occurring like the power going out and the weird lightning and reverberating thunder. Then, the little girl called out to her mother to hold her hand because she was scared of the storm and wanted some reassurance that someone would protect her. This parallels to the end of the story where the narrator says she could relate with her child's plea for safety and a hand to hold because it is like when we cry out for Jesus' hand to hold when there is a big problem and more and more bad just keeps being added to the mix. We hold dear to Jesus' hand and He protects us.
This poem touches my heart. When I was a little kid, I was incredibly terrified of thunderstorms. I would hide whenever they were raging outside. This poem makes me think of one time when we were in Indiana and a tornado was nearby and I was scared to tears. I remember going down to the front of a big room a lot of us were in and holding my mom's hand and crying. This poem reminds me that Jesus wants to hold my hand when the storms are raging outside, just like I was holding my mom's when I was scared. Since this poem was written by my great-grandma, I have another connection with it because I feel like I can hear my great-grandma saying the words on that page. I feel like I can hear her read them with such emotion that she must have felt when she wrote it.
I am so thankful that I got to analyze this poem. Even though Grandma Pavkov passed away, she still lives on through her amazing word skills. She will always be remembered.

this week

2010-05-20T20:55:00.002-04:00

so far I've:

ridden 40 miles on my bike (and now it's dirty and squeaky and I can't wait to ride again)

read 2 books (meaning: finished 2 while reading about 6 others)

cleaned with my new cleaning cloths (and not tired of it yet)

tried a yummy new recipe (tex-mex steak salad)

helped with school projects (thankfully, the bug project is finished)

had long talks (some with people I talk with almost daily, some with people I haven't talked with in years, all: gifts)

eaten too much (not good...)

procrastinated putting plants in the ground (tomorrow?)

listened to birds sing (someday I might try to learn which birds sing what)

felt God's hand of blessing on my head (Psalm 139)

what have you been up to?

mother's day

2010-05-10T09:55:00.002-04:00

family two days in a row

a great gift FROM my mom

old pics and notes, reminders of Grandma

yummy, yummy food

wearing cute clothes

incredible truth, incredible worship at church

fuschia rose

awesome kids

gorgeous sky

downtime

the PERFECT card from my kids

a thoughtful and generous husband

laughter, tears, hugs, thanks

i am so blessed

time

2010-05-08T08:11:00.002-04:00

Time for a new post already!

There was a wonderful band concert last week. Taylor and Laurel both played in concert band. The band always sounds very good. They played a long, dramatic piece called "The Light Eternal", which I heard before--I'm pretty sure Taylor played in it as a freshman. It is about a ship that sank off the coast of Greenland, killing 600 passengers, and the heroic efforts of the people who gave their lives to save others. It ends with the hymn "God of our Fathers". It is beautiful and haunting, and the kids were looking forward to playing it.

A few days before the concert, Laurel came home from school and said that the song just got more interesting but didn't say anything more. So at a climactic point in the piece I saw her pick up a small red instrument that was completely unrecognizable to me (we sit way in the back so the slope of the auditorium where they perform puts us at eye level with the students) and the rise of a siren was heard. I realized she was winding something...she was "playing" a siren! It was quite exciting!

Taylor also played in the jazz band and it was excellent, as always!

Track is done. There are three more weeks of school. We're moving toward the next stage.

I have some flowers and plants that need to go into the ground next week.

I read a great book: "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks".

I have not been updating my biking blog, but I've been riding about 17-20 miles four times a week or so. (Even though I was SICK with a nasty cold all this past week!)

That's about it for now. Happy Mother's Day!

thinking

2010-04-29T07:34:00.003-04:00

My friend Paula asked my why I was discontent with the end of the Revelation study I've been teaching for the last 9 months. I wrote a very long comment in reply on her blog. After I posted it, I thought, "That's practically a blog post." Then I thought, "That is my next blog post." So here ya go. Let me know what you think.

About Revelation. I can't quite pinpoint the source of my dissatisfaction with the ending. Here are a couple of thoughts:

We are programmed for an "end", and there isn't one in Revelation, except ones we can't comprehend, like the end of time, the end of the curse, the end of life on this earth. The ending is not what I'm used to, or understand, yet I long for it.

Along those lines, maybe I kind of get the point of Revelation after studying it like this. The point seems to be, "Come, Lord Jesus". This is what the bride (I, as a part of the church) says. So I'm unsatisfied with the wait--I'm begging the groom to come!

Maybe it's because I did not expect to LOVE this book! Not to make it disturbing, but I remember not wanting to start reading the final Harry Potter book, because it would be the end. I felt like putting on the brakes with Revelation, especially the last few chapters, wanting to examine each verse and thought (Jesus is bringing rewards!, the new Jerusalem could be one immense diamond!, etc.). It ended before I was done with it.

Least likely, but possibly playing a small part, is the fact that it was my last year/book as teaching director for CBS. I know I'll miss it, although I also know it's right and God's plan for us. But it may have colored my feelings.

I do know that the conclusion left me wanting more. I'm going to read it again this summer, slowly, savoring the good parts!

soon

2010-04-26T07:46:00.002-04:00

CBS is done. I am SO SAD about the Revelation study being done. I am astonished at the sweetness of that book and equally astonished at my feelings of unsatisfaction at the conclusion. But, of course, the conclusion is not like other books...

Track is almost done. This year has been fun--more fun than we've ever had at meets because Taylor and Laurel are both on the high school team, both throwing. I help with the measuring, so it's hard to see both kids throw each time (their coach has an even tougher time trying to see every kid!).

We have company this week: Joe's brother and his family are in town from California. We have been laughing so much with them. It feels good...

There is an academic honors reception this Thursday that Joe and I are helping put on. And I teach a Sunday School class this Sunday.

And then. I have two things on my agenda for the next few months. Ride my bike. And read. And only cook and clean when absolutely necessary.

:)

presently

2010-04-17T09:14:00.002-04:00

A mostly unencumbered day is stretching before me.

I'm going to a baby shower this morning and a high school jazz band performance tonight.

I have a long list of chores, but no real burden to get them accomplished today.

I'm in that satisfying spot right between just having finished a book and not needing another one just yet.

Same with ministries, come to think of it.

Might take a bike ride today. Might not.

Ah, this day is a rare gift! But I know that it will seem squandered or empty if I don't treat it well. Hmmmmm....

Ideas?

lately

2010-04-10T21:49:00.002-04:00

It got cooler this week. I'm still riding my bike at least one day a week, often two. I LOVE it, although I get so tired! Any wind wears me out.

We had a HUGE bonfire party last week. My kids texted me while I was at the store, asking me to pick up stuff for smores if they could have friends over. I walked in the door with 1 box of graham crackers as they were about to hit "send" on a facebook invitation to (ahem) SIXTY-EIGHT people. They assured me that some people wouldn't be able to come and that it was late notice, etc. There were over 40 teenagers here--all great kids. We roasted peeps--they were good both plain and goopy and in smores.

The kids practiced songs with a few friends for several hours today for an acoustic worship night at the church that they threw together this week. At the last minute, one guy got called into work. So, I heard Taylor sing--and lead, even--and play guitar for the first time in public. He was awesome! And he did several duets with Laurel. They have the typical sibling blend of voices--nice!

We have a busy few weeks coming up, with track meets and CBS ending and an honors reception and other events. I don't like when I'm so busy I get tired. I'll have to pace myself, because it should be good times...

What have you all been up to?

sweet

2010-03-30T08:13:00.002-04:00

*Bacon and cheddar is an incredible food combination, and I got to eat it for dinner last night.

*When I ride my bike on cold days I have little warm packets that I stick in my shoes and gloves. After the ride...I stick them in my slippers and pockets and have warm spots all day.

*My kids and two friends practiced a worship song for a few hours last night at our house. It was soooo good to listen in on their music. They invited the presence of God into our house.

*Tonight's dinner is in the slow cooker.

*Taylor's ipod was playing this song this morning, and now it continues to play in my head. It's by The Swift.

'Til I met You

Once again, I'm taken by Your love for me.
It's got me thinking it's crazy that
You'd want someone like me.

And no one else can love me the way that You can.
I don't have to understand 'cause now I know
that I'll never be the same.

I was so lonely, so lonely til I met You, Jesus, sweet Jesus
You are the only, the only one that loves me the way that You do.
Oh it's true.

Yeah it's true.

You're the reason my life is in a better place.
And I know nothing can wipe away the smile across my face.

And no one else can love me the way that You can
I don't have to understand 'cause now I
know that I'll never be the same

I was so lonely, so lonely til I met You, Jesus, sweet Jesus.
You are the only the only one that loves me the way that You do.
Oh it's true

You are my everything.
Now I don't need nothing at all.
'Cause You are my everything, everything.

I was so lonely, so lonely til I met You, Jesus, sweet Jesus.
You are the only, the only one that loves me the way that You do.
Yeah you know it's true.

Yeah it's true.

You are the truth, sweet Jesus.

recently

2010-03-26T10:37:00.004-04:00

I've been having awesome bike rides--15-20 miles a ride. I can tell there is warmth in the air, even though Tuesday I did not warm up all day and today there is snow on the ground. Strange--I have a little crush on my bike.

I was completely enthralled by the snow falling last night. I am starting to think I am weird, as most people around me are on the horrified/depressed page of reactions to snow in March.

I made toffee bars. For some reason, Laurel, who has become a better baker than I, can put together brown sugar, butter, flour, vanilla and chocolate chips and come up with something phenomenal, while mine are mediocre to meh.

The truths in Revelation 21:1-8 have captured me all week. I *can't wait* until God is living with us.

I'm reading a book that is making me laugh on almost every page. It's called Stuff Christians Like. The author has a blog of the same name. (The only thing that bugs me is he spends too many words on his blog trying to sell his book--reminds me of James Dobson.) But he's written some good satire that has helped me remember not to take myself too seriously.

Taylor is writing a research paper on the Dred Scott case for his AP English class. I love the assignments he's been given in that class. And this assignment--well, this is the class I always wanted to teach--a combination of history and literature. So, poor kid, his mom is waaaaaay too interested in his homework these days.

That's about it. What do you think about any of this stuff: bike rides, snow, Revelation 21, Laurel's baking talent, Stuff Christians Like, homework? (Well, homework really isn't the issue, but I can't put my finger on what is. Toss those ideas around, too, if you like.) :)

today

2010-03-17T09:30:00.002-04:00

I am going to attempt to make a chocolate mint trifle (with green cool whip).

I am going to listen to David Crowder*Band's Church Music CD.

I am going to clean the bathroom floor.

I am going to follow the rays of sun around the house while I have to be in.

I am going to think about Revelation 20:7-15.

And maybe a few other things.

What are you going to do?

tentative

2010-03-15T09:07:00.003-04:00

Hi. I've missed you. Really, I have.

It may feel awkward for a little while, but I very much want to start this thing up again.

So, the best I can do right now is deflect the attention off of this blog and on to another--my Aunt Kath's (link on the right). Check it out.

Love you!

I'm hibernating

2010-02-09T19:37:00.001-05:00

Sorry. I can't get my pictures to post or my muse to speak. But I will resurface.

Weekend

2010-01-25T21:43:00.005-05:00

Part of the Broadmoor Hotel--gorgeous view out our window

Even the nights were beautiful

Joe and I were privileged to go to a Community Bible Study Teaching Director's conference this past weekend in Colorado Springs, Colorado. The conference is something the national staff puts on every other year for the teachers to get a little break. It's good fellowship, excellent teaching, and this year, amazing accomodations!

We learned a lot, met up with some old friends who live nearby, had some down time together, and mainly, took in the fabulous scenery as if it were fresh gulps of pure oxygen. I forget that I love mountains. Then I see them again and they are like family I've been missing.

So the beauty I basked in for three days has (hopefully) fortified me for the task ahead. We have dragged out Christmas to the point of embarrassment and it's got to go away. Now. Soon. By the weekend. Most of it.

Christmas decorations we have not been able to bring ourselves to take down

More of the same--except better

2010-01-17T16:45:00.002-05:00

A sunrise one morning last week

So when did these posts become weekly? Sorry. We are in a very busy period, apparently.

I am sad about the January thaw. I just need to get that out. I'm ready for more crackling cold and crystalline sharpness in the atmosphere. And another foot or two of snow. Okay, AND a snow day--but let's save it for a day that homework didn't get done the night before...

This week I went shopping (yea!) with a good friend (yea!) and we got cool things (yea!) and had one long great conversation (yea!). I am so grateful for this friend--God has often spoken to me through her and this has shaped my life.

We went to a special worship service at our church last night--it was awesome. Then we heard a different kind of worship this morning at a different church--it was also awesome. I LOVE how God can speak to my soul through chords, rhythms, a voice, truth sung.

I also heard a testimony today from a teenage friend of ours. He's ready to step out into the world, graduating from high school in a few months. He's like most people his age--not exactly sure about anything at all. But he cobbled a few dreams together and, after a college visit yesterday, saw how they could all happen. God is big in this guy's life and God was all over his demeanor as he stood in our kitchen with some things settled and some direction gained. And I spent all afternoon in awe of a God who delights in delighting His children.

One more funny-ish story. I got a Kindle for Christmas--an e-book. And I've been downloading books. And I check every few days for free books, because there are plenty. The other day, the One Year Love Language Minute Devotional by Gary Chapman was available. So, even though I wasn't really interested in it and I have done three different studies with Gary Chapman's material, I downloaded it.

And I've been reading it, every day. And it started getting a little convicting. But I kept telling myself that I shouldn't let it get to me too much, because it was a free book and I never would have paid for it. (I'm sure you can see the flaws in my logic...).

So after realizing that maybe God really wanted to speak to me through this book, I got to thinking that I should look for other free books (that were, possibly, less in-my-face). I went to where I thought I had found it on Amazon. But it wasn't there. I kept looking, and I found it--for $9.99. And I got anxious, because I still didn't want it bad enough to spend money on it. So I went to my order history. And there it was, for $0.00.

Wow. So I went back and reread some stuff I had skimmed. Yeah. Good stuff, that.

Um, yeah; or, oh, hey

2010-01-10T19:53:00.003-05:00

The beauty of the sky, ice, snow and trees is feeding something in my soul these days

I've been kinda down lately (as evidenced by my use of the word (?) "kinda"--I'd never use it if everything was fabulous). I try to stay away from this frame of mind/heart state because it is not good for me or for anyone around me. It's kinda why I haven't been posting (ok, I may have serious problems...).

So I'm going to go for honesty plus a pursuit of joy as I tell you what's been going on around here.

* I've been lonely, even though there are 4 extra people in our house (and I genuinely like and deeply love these people!)

* Every (and I mean without exception) box of Triscuits I've opened in the last few months have had crackers with a slightly burned side. I'm hoping that is the new standard, since so many have passed quality control (oh please, oh please!)

* I saw Brooke and Bobby Wesner from Neos Dance Theater perform twice in two days--it truly lifted my heart. They are incredible professional artists who also know how to worship.

* My finger is still very sore. Has it been healing right? :(

* Today we have lost a key that we need and a recipe I would really like to make this week--frustrating!

* I *love* editing Taylor's AP English papers: I get a little throwback to my teaching days and his creativity delights me.

* My husband truly loves me (and I'm not always sure why).

* I am teaching on Revelation 13 this week. It's a difficult chapter that CBS has split up in our study. But we canceled class last week because of the weather and now I have to combine two weeks' worth of difficult messages.

* I feel God reaching out to me with messages of hope and love and truth. I just forget them so easily!

* I lovelovelove the gift the kids and Joe got me for Christmas. It's a Kindle, "an ipod for books", as Laurel described it. I have 3 bibles, 2 devotionals, a commentary, and most popularly, several works of fiction (a few were free!). I currently carry 18 books with me when I carry it around. I don't miss real-life pages just yet--I'll let you know!

* I'm feeling better--thanks for reading. Thanks more for your prayers. And I have a question: how do you pull yourself out of the blues?

Love you all...

I love January!

2010-01-07T21:29:00.001-05:00

In the middle of a fabulous snowstorm

So gorgeous outside it rends my heart

Jan. 1-5

2010-01-05T19:20:00.006-05:00

I still can't type well--two more weeks with my finger in a splint! Here are some pics instead.

Ryan arranged the nativity scene like this "because everyone wants to be as close to Jesus as they can"

Four teen guys stayed with us for a winter youth rally

Beautiful snow--but a little too heavy for the top of the tree

Roger and Amy made dinner tonight--nasi goreng (fried rice)

Ryan ready to dig in

Um yeah. I made a new years resolution

2010-01-02T20:45:00.002-05:00

pic edited by Laurel

There seem to be lots of anti-resolutionists around this year. So I apologize in advance if you have trouble with me making one. I do every year, sometimes a couple of them.

My friend Marj taught me how to make resolutions a long time ago, so I guess I don't have the failed-goal-angst that may be behind the resolution haters. (Not that I've ever been a good goal-setter anyway. I know, kinda un-American...but I've gotten this far!) Anyway, if I make a resolution I know I can meet or that doesn't require some kind of stringent finality or that I was really hoping to do anyway--I just hadn't done it yet and need a little motivation, well, I usually do reach these goals (and it does help that reaching the goal isn't the motivation).

So this year I have made a resolution based on something I heard in a Beth Moore study a few years ago. Sometimes--okay, often--I wonder what I should be doing, or how I can get closer to God or how I can help my kids. Some people back in Jesus' time wondered the same thing, and they asked him which command was the most important one to follow. Jesus said (and I figure his advice in this matter is top of the line), "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, your soul, your mind and your strength."

Awesome. Straight from the mouth of God, literally. This matters, the most. So I resolve to pray every day this year (and if a 24-hour period goes by that I don't pray this, well, I'll pray it as soon as I think of it) for Taylor and Laurel and Joe and myself that we would love God to this degree. I can't wait to see what it will mean in our lives.

I'm thinking this'll work out. :)

Much

2009-12-11T14:51:00.002-05:00

Taylor and Laurel dressed for the band concert

Much has been going on. I'm sorry I haven't been documenting it all somewhere (like here) but it's been difficult.

Mainly because just before Taylor put on this freshly ironed shirt, I was grabbing for it as it fell to the floor and I reached, with all my quickness and agility, hard into the wall instead of the doorway opening I was going for.

And I broke my finger--middle one on my left hand. So typing (among many other things) is difficult presently.

So I'll go for the briefest of updates, starting with: the concert, which was excellent.

Ryan and Daniel are doing fine and we survived a week and a half being elementary school parents. Roger and Amy are back and have evened out many of the bumps. Amy is in remission and looks and sounds so much healthier!

It seems like teachers are giving an extra push to get stuff done before the holidays--Taylor and Laurel are busy every night with homework.

Joe helped hang outdoor Christmas decorations (yes, we waited until the coldest day of the year) and now our house looks dressed for the season.

And I had a good week in Revelation 12:1-9. Read it--it fits the season.

More soon (but hopefully with less "e"s and "d"s).

I'm not so good at kindergarten...

2009-12-02T08:03:00.004-05:00

Well, first off, I was waiting and ready for the return bus, keeping an eye on the clock. Then I got a call from the bus garage saying they dropped someone off at our house but they went around the back so the bus garage was assuming they were safely inside.

What?! The bus wasn't due for 20 minutes. But I looked out the window and saw Ryan running to get back on the bus and my neighbor looking worried and me looking negligent.

And then Ryan brought home a paper with this stamp on it.

But I could find no instructions what to do with the paper. Just these lines, with a box:

I asked Ryan what he was supposed to do with it and he said, "It's homework." So I thought and thought and thought and Ryan played the day away. I wondered if he should write his name on the lines. Taylor and Laurel both looked at it and couldn't figure it out. I kept thinking, "I am stumped by kindergarten homework."

Then, about 10 minutes before bedtime, I got it! Capital L and lowercase l! I said, "Ryan, you're supposed to practice writing Lls!" He said, "Yep! That's my homework."

I feel mildly exonerated by the fact that if it had been Aas I would have recognized that in the guiding dashes, not to mention the fact that the alphabet starts there. And, yeah, my homework support has been more along the lines of helping looking for zeugma for a rhetorical devices notebook than practicing writing letters.

But I'm still going to contend that kindergarten is tough stuff!

Scattered thankful

2009-11-30T18:38:00.004-05:00

A particular combination in this year's thankful list (bottom row) that continues to spark conversation

What a fabulously detailed weekend. We were busy from the start. The Bacon Bird was incredible. The Scharffenberger brut champagne to accompany it was also delicious. The pecan bourbon pie, the apple cranberry walnut pie, the 15 pounds of mashed potatoes, and the rolls from Anne's bakery were all amazing. Best of all was the fellowship--the laughing, the talking, the intensity and levity, the hugging and playing and reminiscing and reacquainting. So thankful.

Amy is getting the medical care that she came home for; the boys are enrolled in school and start tomorrow. We are adjusting to life with small children (I am starting to remember to factor them into my social calendar, and we rediscovered the crayons, markers and funky scissors, and I am monitoring vegetable consumption once again...). God's hand is on all of us and I am thankful.

We had the first church service in the addition that has been built onto our church on Sunday. It was exciting and hopeful and I am grateful.

Taylor and Laurel accomplished much this weekend (check Taylor's facebook for the body armor he made). Thankful.

Joe and I are looking at the next few months, knowing challenges are coming and talking to each other bravely. Thankful.

And tomorrow starts December. Thankful thankful thankful.

Laurel's DNA model

Turquoise thankful

2009-11-24T11:01:00.006-05:00

Daniel and Ryan playing Rock'Em Sock'Em Robots

We have some guests in our house. Roger's family has come home from Indonesia while Amy gets some health issues resolved. They are staying with us for the time being, so life has gotten little-boy-focused again all of the sudden.

We have stayed up too late and laughed really hard and filled in gaps and hugged a lot and discovered toys we had forgotten and wiped up extra messes. It's gotten louder, especially during the day. (Right now there is a competition raging behind me between the volume control button/percussion fill-in option on the keyboard and brute force on the piano keys.)

We are having another Rachael Ray bacon recipe for dinner: BLT Mac and Cheese. Laurel is doing some intense cleaning in her room in anticipation of getting her driver's permit next week. Taylor is working on AP English and spreading his good nature far and wide. Joe is prepping to work a 24 tomorrow. I am making The Bacon Bird for Thanksgiving.

Sometimes an event or a period of time or a memory seem to be summarized, for me, by a sense that doesn't seem to fit--some chords or a taste (like "buttery") or a color or a temperature. I don't get it and I don't have time to try to figure it out right now, but let me just share with you that these past few days--and, I'm thinking, the next few--are turquoise and green. And it's lovely.

My current favorite shirt

Pic of a decoration from a Martha Stewart magazine

Supported thankful

2009-11-22T13:22:00.002-05:00

Mason painting where shorter arms cannot reach

I get so much help; I'm grateful. We are finishing up work on our church's addition. This picture is of the stairwell the youth will use. It's been painted by teens who have stamina and creativity and long arms. I couldn't have done what many of them have. Thanks, guys.

I also get help from my kids, who brighten my day just by showing up in the kitchen and smiling. They also do chores and they discuss things with me and they are excellent collaborators (and what a privilege that is--I hadn't been sure we would have that kind of relationship. But it is my great joy to work with them on different things...)

I get help from Joe. He does so many little things for me and our family that I would be embarrassed to list them all. He is the computer genius, the medical problem-solver, the mechanic, the bookkeeper, and the head shoulder-rubber, among other things. He believes in me and pushes me to meet higher standards.

My friends help me. They listen to me, pray for me, encourage me, ask me hard questions. They even bear my burdens. There is a scriptural principle that speaks to this, commanding us to do it. But, like with much scripture, we can tend to skirt ideas, infusing them with what seems to make sense (usually an easier route). On occasion, one of my friends and I have "traded" burdens. I pray for hers and she prays for mine. There is such relief in giving up my burden onto my friend's capable shoulders. And hers is so much lighter than mine. :)

My pastor helped me today. There are so many details to our complicated lives, ya know? And, a few minutes AFTER the service had started this morning, in a two-minute conversation, some things were handled. I am so grateful!

God helps me. The Bible says that we can't take a step or a breath without him, so I get help with the very basics. But I also get inner strength and divine wisdom and extra love for people and endurance and ideas and peace and courage and protection. Thank you, thank you, God. Thanks for the help.

Satiated thankful

2009-11-18T15:58:00.002-05:00

Joe's birthday cake (with extra toffee sauce on the side)

I am thankful. Very thankful. As thankful as ever, or maybe more so. I just haven't been writing it down or taking pictures of it.

The construction on our house is almost done. Today I cleaned the dining room--it was rather filthy. It was so filthy that I feel like now that it's clean, I should clean it again, just to be sure the rags aren't still wiping up dust and dirt.

The crazimess of (well--I'm leaving that typing error--it's actually more correct than the word I was trying to type) of the contractor's schedules and ours trying to meld has done me in. I am unaware of the season, even though I have a Christmas tree trying to remind me in the corner.

I went to my 25th high school reunion this past weekend. It was good to see so many old friends again. Some of them work with my mom, and told her they saw me over the weekend. Mom didn't know I was going to the reunion. I forgot to tell her. I almost forgot to go. I guess my capacity for coping with multiple schedules reaches its limit somewhere just after Joe's work and the kids' social lives...

So today is my handsome husband's birthday. I remembered this! And I made this cake and I'm making meatloaf (he asked for it) for dinner. And I just remembered that Thanksgiving is next week.

Thankfully (ha ha!) I have made giving thanks a practice and so I am thankful this month, but not with a holiday focus. Which is kind of cool. It's not for the sake of the fourth Thursday in November. No, I'm just kind of typical, everyday, normal thankful.

I'm full of thanks. I will be satiated, however, after a slice of this cake.

Hungry thankful

2009-11-11T22:09:00.003-05:00

Our family loves Reece's peanut butter cups. We eat them in whatever form we can find them. Our two current favorites are Reece's Big Cups--with extra peanut butter and Dark Chocolate cups. (Hello, Hershey? We think you should combine these two ideas...)

There is something about the chocolate peanut butter combination that feeds a hunger in me. It finishes off the pang, it sets me straight, it makes me smile, it satisfies.

This week has been very busy. I have run from appointment to assignment to event for days and I'm not done yet. And I have ended up hungry. I am hungry for peace, for connection, for truth, for joy, for accomplishment.

And I have been fed, little bites, all along the way. A from-her-gut laugh with Laurel. A warm, strong, shoulder rub from Joe. Affirmation from a friend. Finishing a tough bike ride. Saying "no" to something.

I am so thankful for needs that are met.

And--I needed three Reece's Dark Chocolate miniatures tonight. :)

Focused thankful

2009-11-09T14:52:00.002-05:00

I love to while away the time. I like stream of consciousness thinking. I like when time stretches and slows and toys with me. I like a calendar square with nothing written on it.

I am not describing this week. I have to be focused this week--with meetings and conversations and teachings and appointments and the schedule.

So I've got a few lists and I'm checking things off.

And in the middle of it all there are moments of sparkling clarity. I haven't really dwelt on them (I'm focused, remember?) but here is a short list of what has caused clear gratitude in the last few days:

*an excellent sermon on Sunday
*a remark by a teenager that was so insightful it brought tears to my eyes
*the variety of colors of leaves on the one tree that still has leaves in our yard
*Joe paying the bills
*a funny story I'm still laughing about three days after hearing
*The Message, especially some passages in Romans I've been looking at
*Laurel's creativity
*how satisfying, on so many levels, bacon is
*when Taylor's entire 6-foot 180-pound body shakes with laughter
*sleep, and sleeping in, and going back to sleep
*a reminder to be grateful

Busy thankful

2009-11-07T08:38:00.002-05:00

This week has been so hectic with contractors moving dates and times and me not keeping track very well. I forgot TWO commitments I had made this week. It was humbling, and as I continue to learn from our house metaphor, fixing things and sanctification can't be rushed. I don't necessarily get to choose the timetable for these.

But there's so much good. I had good talks with Laurel this week and listened to good new music and watched a good movie and got some good work done.

I also had to chuckle at Taylor. He was inducted into National Honor Society this week (and we are so proud of him!). The kids were told to wear "church clothes" so he got his nice pants, a nice shirt and was looking for a tie that didn't stand out too much. His tend to be neon or black and orange striped. So he found the tie he's wearing in the picture in Joe's closet. He still kind of stands out, though, don't you think?

Snow snow snow

2009-11-04T11:22:00.003-05:00

I'm not sure why this is making me so happy--it meant no bike ride for me today.

But snow and Christmas and family and cooking and thankful lists and Sting's and FF5's new Christmas albums and anticipation and shopping and ornaments and celebration and joy--I'm ready for it all!

One seasonal treat to share with you: International Delight Chocolate Mint Truffle creamer for coffee. I don't usually like this stuff, but I had some of this flavor at my friend's house the other night and I now have my own bottle. It's like dessert, every morning for breakfast!

Still on a high

2009-11-01T13:49:00.010-05:00

Laurel in Half-time in Review

I carved this pumpkin in 5 minutes, making Joe a little nervous as I deftly wielded the knife

I am inordinately proud of my buttons

We've been busy since Thursday, when I took a break from CBS because of the kids' "Half-time in Review" band show. Since I didn't go to CBS I handed out candy to trick-or-treaters for the first time in 7 years! They were soooooo cute! It was fun, but then we rushed off to the school where the kids performed an indoor concert with much of the marching band music for the season.

It was awesome! They have such a big sound and the gym reverberated. My kids play my two favorite parts of the music--the low, bass notes (Taylor plays tenor sax in the low brass/low reed section) and the rhythm (Laurel plays snare drum). A highlight of Thursday's performance was some special music from the drumline--Laurel and three other snare players came right up to the crowd and played some cadences with robotic motions, bending all the way over their drums and slowly standing back up, never missing a beat, playing faster and faster. I LOVED it!

The last football game show was good, too, the next night. The whole band was excellent.

We were fun busy all day Saturday, concluding with Laurel setting up the Christmas tree. This year, we're just ready early--we want an extra-long celebration.

Joe got the short end of the weekend stick--he worked a 24-hour shift that included the extra hour... He's still sleeping...because I didn't change the clocks and woke him up an hour early... Joe, I'm SO SORRY!

That's our latest. How was your weekend?

Deep breath

2009-10-29T09:49:00.002-04:00

So we've had some issues with our house. There was a leak, and after several years' worth of investigation, we discovered that the house had not been built quite as well as it could have been.

Some of the brick has been removed and the wood underneath that that had been damaged has been replaced and covered over and the rebricking will start next week.

That's really all that has gone on regarding the house.

What's gone on inside me is far more complex, difficult, and, honestly, the depths have not been probed. There is a large cost, both monetarily and emotionally, that has been incurred. I'm not going to get into that because it's too painful and I don't really need to.

Once, someone asked me (accusingly), "Does everything have to be spiritual for you?" Yeah, I guess it does. So I've been processing all these parallels for months about God and what He knows and allows and repentance and cleansing and my pet caveats I allow myself when God's ways don't sit well with me and His sovereignty and love and grace and righteousness. And my unholiness.

It's been a tough time. But we're getting to the other side of it, and I felt just a whisper of hope as I walked through the dining room (the room most affected) the other day. It seemed warm. And still. And different--in a better way.

Is it possible that with all the mess and the complication and the price and the strain and the injustice and the headache that the situation would not just be fixed, but improved? Of course.

Yeah, that's not a new idea. It's old. And it's spiritual. And it's best exemplified by my situation before Christ and after. So with the hope I am anticipating joy and peace and rest. And a cleaner house.

Happy anniversary to us!

2009-10-27T07:24:00.006-04:00

Joe and I just got home from Florida where we celebrated our 20th anniversary. (Yes, it's hard to believe, but mainly because I have trouble condensing 20 years into a summary statement of some sort. I have the same trouble answering the question about the kids: "Didn't it go fast?" Ummm, no, it seemed to go at normal speed...)

Anyway, we had a wonderful time: we ate amazing food on the beach every night, we snorkeled, we took naps whenever we felt like it, we got a massage, we slept in.

We were there for 2 days and 3 nights--way too short, but fabulous nonetheless.

And I have realized that if I want consistently amazing sunset photos, I should probably live on an island.

Revelation 7

2009-10-22T14:13:00.018-04:00

The crowds at Revolve 07

I'm preparing a lecture for tonight. I have many, many other things to do. I won't bore you (like I did my biking partner--who was sooo sympathetic...one of the many reasons I love her!) with the complicated details of my day.

I am captivated, however, by John's vision of the great multitude in Revelation 7--so much so that I need to share this with you! I am a visual learner--I need to watch the instructions, read the words, view the diagram, see the picture. So every couple of visions or so that John relates, I find myself asking God if I can see them, too. I would LOVE to see this multitude! I want to worship with them. Give me a palm branch!

The Newsboy's song "He Reigns" refers to Revelation 7. The song is amazing, the video helps me see this better. I will try to get a link posted...

Hmm, it's not showing up. Go to youtube and look up newsboys he reigns

Glorious

2009-10-20T19:23:00.004-04:00

Are the leaves not phenomenal this fall? I am in awe as I drive, bike, walk, look out the windows.

This week they have been so brilliantly lit it is almost the color of a highlighter; it's as if God is saying, "Have you noticed THIS tree? Let me draw your attention here."

And on the ground the leaves are strewn as if a great celebration is taking place and the confetti is still drifting down.

Sometimes I see a Christian who has God's Holy Spirit illuminating them--they glow, almost. It's supernatural and it's miraculous and it's awe-inspiring. I think the trees are in a similar state of being.

I have to contrast the way the leaves looked last week, however. Last week, the sun was covered by grey skies for days. Yet, the leaves still seemed unusually bright, as if lit from within.

I thought about the leaves a lot last week. Why were they still so bright? How does that work? I know there are laws (maybe my physics student can help me out with this) about light and color and atmosphere and tone. But I also kept thinking about an idea I read about in C.S. Lewis's Narnia chronicles--that there are spirits in the trees. And, maybe, I thought, that is why the trees seem brighter than they should seem to be.

I know it's extremely unpopular in post-modern thinking to make room for spirits, but, well, why wouldn't there be spirits in the trees? Trees are God's creation; God is a spirit. Hmmm.

Anyway, the bright trees on the grey days made me think of myself on a grey day. Sometimes I have felt the Holy Spirit on me; most of the time I do not. But that does not mean He is not there. In fact, I want to hope that He is somehow visible, especially on the grey days.

Thoughts?

Leaf project, T-Paine and B-Frank and Rev. 6

2009-10-16T10:08:00.004-04:00

Laurel has spent the last few weeks gathering leaves and information about leaves for a biology project. Here are some of the finished project. She did an excellent job and it was very much fun taking her around to find the leaves. (Joe gets to help with the bug project in the spring...) What Laurel got out of it: "When I get my driver's license I am coming back to all these places with my camera."

Taylor wrote a very cool rap song while studying for an English test. It actually covers some American history and he apparently took many of the phrases from speeches by Thomas Paine and Benjamin Franklin. Check it out on facebook. I'll try to post a link here later...

It's Friday, so I am still in Thursday night's CBS lecture mentally. Here're my bottom-line thoughts on Revelation 6. The Lamb is opening the seals and judgment is being poured out. It's devastating, horrific, all-encompassing judgment. The scene is disturbing and unsettling and sad, and I could, if I stayed at a surface level, wonder about God's holy actions. But there is great mercy here, and unparalleled kindness.

Because I understand that I deserve such a judgment, yet, here I sit--warm, safe, definitely not starving, and beyond that--certain of eternal life, not eternal damnation. That is great mercy, my friends. I'm humbled and thankful.

Anne Graham Lotz said that God is patient because He knows how long eternity is. Today I thank Him for waiting for me.

New blog--woohoo!

2009-10-14T14:38:00.003-04:00

I've been biking a lot. It's been good! It's my favorite workout, and I have been inspired to try to bike all winter.

A friend and I bike together. It is great for motivation, encouragement, conversation, and goal-setting.

The last two days' rides have been tough, and in our efforts to encourage each other, the word "hardcore" was used descriptively. We are serious about this (especially when we're cold and we need to get home, or dogs chase us up hills, or we are solving world problems in 90 minutes or less).

So I'm going to keep track of a few things on a new blog. I want to log my miles, and keep notes on weather, equipment, rides, etc. It might be too detailed, bordering on boring, or, it might inspire you, too! Read along, or ride along, if you like! (link on my sidebar)

The rest of the weekend

2009-10-13T15:11:00.004-04:00

(besides homecoming) was also fun! All the band alumni were invited to play with the band Friday night. It was awesome! I have never heard anything like it before.

We also collected leaves for a project Laurel has for biology. It was a gorgeous weekend to be out, tramping through woods and leaves and grey skies and chill.

And, I went to visit Aunt Heidi and Uncle Frank and Jordan for dinner and discussion on Revelation. Uncle Frank has studied Revelation since he was young. He had pages and pages of information and scripture references and charts. Much of it was material we will not cover for a while in Revelation but it was still good--actually, it was the first teaching I've heard on Revelation that made sense to me.

The most exciting part of the evening (well, not counting the food and the company) was watching Uncle Frank teach. He is passionate about truth in scripture and I could clearly see that the Word is life-giving.

Also, today I went on a bike ride in cold winds and it was hard and I worked hard and my toes and fingers were SO COLD and I'm proud enough of myself (and my friend who rode with me) that I am sharing the fact that I did it here, even though this post is about the weekend. :)

Dinner last night

2009-10-11T08:50:00.004-04:00

was a success!

Taylor and Brenna

Laurel made the table look beautiful

The kids in the group

It was a fun evening. They had bacon-wrapped shrimp, beef tenderloin, salad, baked potatoes, and a dessert sampler including cream puffs and peanut butter pie.

Laurel and two of her friends served the meal (then watched a movie and laughed hysterically). The rest of them went on to the dance.

I apologize about the picture quality--Laurel hasn't done anything with these yet, so I'm sure clearer ones will show up soon.

All this and much, much more

2009-10-08T21:42:00.002-04:00

That's what I'm cleaning tomorrow. Taylor and a group of friends are having dinner at our house before homecoming on Saturday. So I have to clean.

I have to clean because it's supposed to rain, and that means the kids will want to take pictures in our house, since they won't be able to go to Kingwood Center. Not that my house is any comparison, even when meticulously cleaned.

I would so much rather read a book tomorrow. So my dilemma will be cutting corners (literally--dust-filled ones) in order to read or (it pains me to write this) forego starting a book, to help keep my focus on not cutting corners.

I would try for a little of both. Ok, a little reading and a lot of cleaning. But it would end up a lot of reading and a little cleaning.

I would be willing--I'm just going to toss this out here--to read OUT LOUD and share my reading time with someone who might be willing to clean while being read to.

Anyone?

Sorry

2009-10-06T21:51:00.005-04:00

no blog post today. We're trying not to melt down over here about homework, friends, life, messes, deadlines, disappointments and other difficult things. Maybe tomorrow.

(The picture is the Japanese symbol for righteousness--only when the Lamb is over me. That's our default mode tonight...)

I may have OD'd

2009-10-04T14:35:00.002-04:00

on sickeningly sweet icing.

We got a cake from a local bakery and it was SO sweet no one but me ate all the icing. It made me sad to throw away that much icing (normally, I gratefully accept icing with the cake beneath it eaten) but I couldn't do it this time. The cake was pretty, though!

We had a good day yesterday. We watched our high school soccer team play another local team with one of our good friends on it at the Crew stadium in Columbus. It was a beautiful day!

My family gave me a lot of attention and a lot of gifts and made me feel special and honored. Not all birthdays have been this way; but I've learned that, in the process of training children, it is fine to use myself as an object lesson.

I have plenty of chocolate left (the cake took the candy out of the sugar totals for a few days...) and, while I plan on celebrating as long as they last, it is time to get on with the business of being 44!

Thanks to all of you for the birthday wishes!

Not to contemplate too deeply...

2009-10-02T17:01:00.002-04:00

but it occurs to me that some of the things I appreciate, I didn't so much when I was younger and ________________ (not willing to commit to any particular adjective here)

such as:

1. Roses. I thought they were too common, too obvious. It turns out there are reasons they are loved.

2. Onions. I wouldn't eat them. Now I saute them to make dinner smell better than it might actually be.

3. Naps. I had no idea...

4. Advice. On occasion. (In other words, I'm not asking for any at this particular juncture.)

5. Driving the speed limit. I didn't even realize that this was an option until I was married to Joe.

6. Coffee WITH dessert. The interplay of bitter and sweet...how did I miss this for so many years?

7. Biographies and memoirs. I didn't think I had time to read them because of all the fiction I intend to read. But--I like!

8. Hugs. Laurel has taught me much about hugs.

9. Admitting when I'm wrong. How freeing! And I want to get to this place quicker than ever, just to get the pressure off.

10. The books of Isaiah and Revelation. I had read them, but with qualms. After studying them in CBS, they have become dearly loved treasures of books that speak to me deeply (even though we're only on chapter 5 of Revelation).

11. Mornings. And joy in the mornings. I'm not always coherent early on, but I realized that I would be missing Taylor's best times if I didn't rethink the "It's-morning-must-be-grumpy" mode I think I was born with. So I do sign things and give out money and permission and food without understanding, but I've managed to train myself to do it with a smile. Usually.

12. Football games on a cold, damp Friday night. Well, I'm still working on that one. I do love the band, though!

And that's all I've got, as this year ends. Maybe next year I'll realize that I love to straighten closets and answer emails as soon as I get them and drive a minivan!

Ummmmmmm

2009-09-30T20:55:00.002-04:00

Birthday chocolates

My birthday is coming up this weekend and Joe got me an early gift. This is fabulous on many levels--I love gifts, I love to celebrate birthdays as long as I possibly can, I love chocolate and I love Joe.

Here's either the good news or the bad news, depending largely on my blood sugar levels at the moment. I have been counting Weight Watcher's points (25-year high school reunion coming up....). Three pieces of the chocolates equal 5 points. And I am to have 20 points a day.

I have gone through all the scenarios; at least, all I can handle before I really need to distract myself with something inedible.

1. I can eat all the chocolates at once and take a day (or two, ahem) off Weight Watchers. And probably be unhappy at some level, at some point during the day (yes, or two).

2. I can eat half the chocolates (12). That would be all my points for one day. So I could eat 3 for breakfast, 3 for lunch, 3 for dinner and have 3 left over for a snack. This is a viable option, one I am still considering.

3. I can eat the suggested serving of 3 pieces a day. That is a quarter of all the food I'd be eating. Honestly, I rarely have 5 points at my whimsical disposal. At any point during the day.

4. I can eat 1 piece of chocolate candy a day. That would last me 24 days. That would ensure I celebrate my birthday until October 22, almost 3 full weeks after my birthday. I also have an opportunity to savor each piece--something I might not do if the entire box were my meal substitutes.

So weigh in (hahaha), what should I do? And how do you eat a box of chocolates? (Oh, one other option that I thought of but did not consider--shame on me: sharing.)

Lavender wand

2009-09-28T07:56:00.010-04:00

Aunt Heidi made lavender wands last week and had a contest to give one away on her blog. I didn't win, but I did discover a lavender plant I had forgotten about buried under some black-eyed susans I cleaned out last week. So I attempted to make my own lavender wand.

It's harder than it looks, but worth it! Last night, while I was working through an English assignment with Taylor, he asked if I could remove the "stinky" cheese I was eating from his vicinity. I brought the lavender wand over instead. It was very well-received.

So I'm proud of my lopsided, unevenly woven lavender wand. Check out Heidi's blog to see how to make one yourself.
http://heidiannie.com/?p=152

Good eatins and other

2009-09-26T13:51:00.003-04:00

My favorite snack this week

Yellow tomatoes, freshly ground black pepper, sea salt and fig balsamic vinegar. Yummy!

I also had crab cakes for lunch, that were quite fabulous--made better, I think, by the whole wheat bread crumbs I used. And another snack I want to mention: Emerald brand Cocoa Roast Almonds--almonds roasted in dark chocolate. Very, very satisfying!

Life has been calm and good (calmness is not common, which is why I'm remarking). CBS was great Thursday. Everyone comes having studied a particular passage for a week. Sometimes, like this past Thursday, people came to class already moved and changed by the scripture. It was good.

Also, Taylor switched the language on his facebook account to "pirate". Very funny.

Laurel has been picking at the keyboard again lately. It's very interesting, because even though she hasn't played in over a year, I can tell she's progressed musically during that time. It is good to hear her.

Finally, I'm reading a great book called The Shadow of the Wind, by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. It's a thick, gothic novel, and I am going to have to go read some more. I had planned out less of a hodge-podge type post, but I can't remember it... Gotta read!

Have a nice weekend, all!

Living in Laodicea

2009-09-24T07:10:00.002-04:00

80s music

I'm not so much of a saver as some people in our family. So as I was preparing for tonight's CBS lecture on Revelation 3, I said to Joe, "Too bad I don't have Steve Camp cassettes anymore. He had that song "Living in Laodicea"..."

Joe disappeared and reappeared within minutes, carrying these four cassettes. Um, wow. Thanks, dear!

So I spent some time reminiscing with Steve Camp last night. He sang very honestly about sin and boldly called Christians to a higher level, and again, like most CCM from the 80s, his work was influential for me. (Yes, I did remember every chord change, every drum fill, every scream of the guitar, as well as every word...it was sweet.)

Here are the lyrics to the song I was looking for:

Living in Laodicea

Oh Lord, take Your plow to my fallow ground
Let Your blade dig down to the soil of my soul
For I've become dry and dusty, Lord I know there must be
Richer earth lying below

Chorus:

For I've been living in Laodicea
And the fire that once burned bright, I've let it grow dim
And the very One I swore that I would die for, oh, has been forgotten
As the world's become my friend

We have turned from Your Law to try to find a better way
Each man does today what is right in his own eyes
We will pay the price for our sinning
We can never know true living, we've exchanged His truth for lies

CHORUS

It is no small thing that He's done for you
By shutting the gates of hell upon the cross
We were sentenced once but now we are pardoned
And He chooses to use us though we fall

So while we're living in Laodicea
Keep the fire burning bright, don't let it grow dim
For the very One we swore that we would die for, He must not be forgotten
Nor the world become a friend

For the very One we swore that we would die for, He must not be forgotten
Nor the world become a friend.

These words bring tears to my eyes as I remember how they spoke to me twenty years ago and still resonate today. I will be praying for all of us today that we can take a challenge to move away from complacency in our relationship with Jesus.

A brief summary

2009-09-22T17:29:00.005-04:00

Bonfire at a friend's house this weekend

OK--I'll catch you all up quickly, then I'm going to make a promise.

First off, Joe took the boards last Friday. We won't know how he did for up to 90 days. He's not sure he did well--he checked a few of the answers and had gotten them wrong, so he stopped checking. :(

Taylor's drumming upstairs. He's picked up some tips from being in jazz band--I LOVE hearing my kids play. Laurel played for youth group last Sunday, and a few weeks ago in church. I sound like a proud mom, but I could hardly bring myself to sing because I didn't want to miss hearing...

I've been biking a lot and reading not enough and studying Revelation and making LOTS of food for the hungry people who live here. A friend got me a jar of "Hot and Sweet" jalapenos and they are my current favorite condiment.

I am leading a small group at youth group this fall. Sunday we met for the first full meeting. Many of the girls met each other for the first time that night. Then we went into some discussion I had prepared about lying. It got intense right away, and it turned out one girl had just gotten in trouble for lying and another had just been lied to. It turned into an incredible evening of sharing and support and honesty! I felt very privileged to be a part of the group. The girls are very dear and I look forward to the coming weeks.

Now for the promise. I feel like I've let this blog get dusty, which isn't pleasant. It needs some attention--even just a little. So I am going to try to post every other day, even if it is just a little and not the least bit profound. More goes on around here than you would think, and I thank you for caring. So I will check in, since I hope you still are!

See you Thursday!

Why our cheeseburgers were so good tonight

2009-09-09T18:05:00.003-04:00

From our garden

It's one reason, anyway. We also add cooked bacon pieces per Uncle Gabe's suggestion. And either Sweet Baby Ray's Honey Barbecue Sauce or Dr. Pepper Barbecue Sauce.

We are well; thanks for wondering. School is going... It seems to be the toughest year so far for the kids (I'm glad it progresses this way). Band continues to be a highlight. Taylor is challenged by the work in AP English, but seems to carry an undercurrent of excitement about the class overall. Laurel is getting by--today she came home from her after-school job of selling tickets at the (yesterday's rained-out) middle school football game in a good mood. I know the saying about Mama, but if Laurel's happy, well, you know...

Joe is still working out some kinks with the new job--like, how do you sleep before and after a 24-hour shift?

And I am wading into Revelation. I am both excited and intimidated by this year's course. The mountain of responsibility it takes to run a CBS class seems to be very heavy this year. But I am also very focused on what the kids' needs and activities entail. I believe this will be my last year teaching.

(BUT. Read Rev. 1:9-20. And ponder it. And think about what you would say to 75 people who have also read it and studied it and are looking for more of Jesus. Isn't this scripture pretty amazing? Yeah, I'll miss this...)

Joe is studying for the recertification test he takes every 10 years to keep his credentials to practice emergency medicine. The test is coming up in a week and a half. It's pretty intense, so if you think to pray for him, I'm sure it will help.

Thanks for checking back. That's about it for now.

Dinner tonight

2009-08-31T17:49:00.004-04:00

Taylor saw this picture on the front of food network magazine

So we made some for dinner

I love this magazine! (Even though I have only seen 2 or 3 partial food network shows.) They have articles about cooking utensils, health, the network personalities, and lots of recipes. The layout of the magazine is innovative and fun.

This recipe came from a section called 50 Easy Soups. Lots of recipe guidelines, not a lot of detail. So it was fun. And we were running a little behind schedule, so the kids were motivated to help, which is even more fun (I LOVE to cook with them!).

Here's the recipe (with our notes in parentheses):

Puree 2 seeded, soaked ancho chilies (could not find them, so we added chili powder, and I added chipotle chili powder to my bowl), 1 onion, 2 tomatoes (we have very LARGE tomatoes in our garden so we used 1 1/2), and 2 garlic cloves; fry in oil. Add 6 cups chicken broth, 4 torn corn tortillas, some shredded cooked chicken (we added 3 shredded breasts--the kids want to double that next time), and 1/2 cup cilantro; simmer until thick. Add salt; garnish with crisp tortilla strips, Mexican cheese, avocado, cilantro and lime juice.

It was soooooo good!

Band kids

2009-08-30T07:16:00.002-04:00

They played an abbreviated program last night. Since it rained the night before, we still haven't seen the new uniforms yet. So, hopefully, I'll post new picture soon.

Why the football game was postponed

2009-08-28T22:34:00.003-04:00

This storm had lots of rain and lots of lightening. The game started and the kids marched out--it was good! Then there was some more amazing lightening. So they'll try again tomorrow night.

Everyone survived the first week of school. Laurel--just barely, Taylor--chomping at the bit. I had computer and schedule problems but got what I needed for CBS in time. Joe had the toughest week, I think, with too many shifts, some detritus from jobs ending, some (small, but real) anxieties about the new job.

I had a very sweet picnic this week--check Allyson's blog for pictures and Heidi's for recipes.

I'm also trying to get one last book read before I start reading commentaries on Revelation. I think I've posted about this before, but it still astounds--and relieves--me that reading fiction feeds me like it does. I noticed this for the first time when my kids were little and I read parenting books. They were helpful, like, say, flossing teeth is helpful. But reading a good story is nourishing and delicious, like Aunt Heidi's tomato and goat cheese tart the other day.

Is reading fiction like this for you? Or is it reading of another type? What feeds you?

And--did you like the storm tonight (if you were privileged to experience it)?

Rich

2009-08-21T14:10:00.004-04:00

in complex skies

and tomatoes

Much good is going on around here (in addition to skies and tomatoes). Three weeks of band camp finished today. The music sounds good, fun, exciting. The kids are loving it. We have hopes of some drum battles at the football games this year. I'll let you know what happens...

Joe's old job ends and new job begins this weekend. The transition has been tough, and I don't think the difficulties are over. I have always felt that chronological time is constrictive--I want it to stretch and jump and I like to think about the fact that God exists outside of time. But the past few weeks I've been grateful that it marches on and days are over and new ones start. We will get through; next month is coming.

School starts Tuesday. Two highschoolers in the house...woohoo!

Taylor is finishing up his summer work for AP English. Aunt Heidi commented on my last post (I think... Have I really not written for that long?) about the privilege of discussion with adult children. Yes. That privilege has been a highlight of my summer.

CBS is starting up again. I feel so dependent on God for even the tiniest thing to bring to the running of the class and the weekly teachings (probably the best condition to be in). We are studying Revelation and from this end (not even into it yet) 30 weeks feels quite overwhelming. If you think to pray for me, I would so welcome those prayers....thanks!

Other things have added to my sense of wealthiness--time to read lots of fiction, marvelling at my kids' creativity, some really good recipes I've come across, the tight harmonies and musicianship of House of Heroes, perennials planted a few years ago that are loaded with screamingly colorful flowers this year, familiar passages of scripture, all of you--who knew I would post again one day...

I've been reading the Message a lot this summer. Here's a passage that stuck out to me recently. Colossians 2:6-7 Just go ahead with what you've been given. You received Jesus Christ, the Master; now live in him. You're deeply rooted in him. You're well-constructed in him. You know your way around the faith. Now do what you've been taught. School's out; quit studying the subject and start living it! And let your living spill over into thanksgiving.

We're back

2009-08-04T14:47:00.006-04:00

Bikers

Beautiful morning

Pete from Ghana singing with our youth worship band. Taylor is on the far right. Laurel is on the drums, hidden behind the singers.

We survived camp. And the bike trip. The bike trip was tough--lots of headwinds, but they were cool. The group of people riding was very nice--lots of fun. No big mishaps. I really love this trip each year.

Camp was good. The forums went well--misunderstood by a few adults, but the kids all seemed to get it. I spent a lot of time with the teens this year. I love them! Their worship is geniune and fresh, the depth of their maturity (and immaturity, for that matter) astounds me, their hearts for God are big. I was so proud of all the kids who participated in the worship--including the audience members. One of the open mic nights I laughed so hard I had tears and stomach cramps.

It was good to reconnect with old friends and meet new ones. The messages were clear--the gospel was preached. We heard "It's not that I MUST not, it's that I NEED not," and "The best way to display God's glory is to be a joyful Christian," and "Christianity is not a religion that takes us around pain, but rather a God who takes us through pain, as Jesus did on the cross."

I am back home, a little less tired in my spirit, and looking forward to the next few weeks before CBS starts and Joe's new jobs start and school starts.

Still here...

2009-07-23T22:48:00.003-04:00

Pic edited for use in a forum at camp

Sorry. It's been a while. We are all still here--except Laurel who is in Paraguay visiting Karen's family.

We're busy getting ready for camp and the bike trip and AP English and a job shift.

Taylor and I leave Saturday for our 180-mile trip. I can't wait! This year, training has been almost a relief for me. I have used the physical workout to deal with other (mental, social, spiritual and emotional) things going on. Two hours of nothing but my own thoughts and a necessity to work my body hard--it's been good.

I feel VERY unprepared for camp. I am working on two different forums and with some of Laurel's travel travails and involved discussions about Joe's job and another big hurdle that I'm not ready to talk about yet, I have not focused on these projects with my normal clarity.

(Embarrassingly, someone working on the project with me pointed out a misspelling and a word I had, ahem, created, and asked if I struggle with spelling. Um, no, I have worked as a copy editor. Spelling is one of my strengths. Or it used to be...)

Soooo, I'm not feeling it and I'm kind of dreading camp.

Joe's job, beginning August 23 at midnight, is somewhat resolved. He's going to work full time at a hospital in Lodi, an hour commute from home. The schedule there involves 24-hour shifts, which he may get to split on occasion with another doc. He'll also do a shift or two a month at the two local hospitals.

I am grateful a plan is in place. I know our lives will look different with the new hours and the commute and coordinating three schedules. I also know that we will be blessed, because "God blesses those who realize their need for him, for the kingdon of heaven is given to them." Yeah, I need God!

The highlight of my week (which, had it been Taylor's highlight, would have indicated a much worse week than I've had) has been reading the Scarlet Letter. Taylor is assigned to read it for AP English and he asked me to read it with him to talk through it. I am loving it! Taylor is...not. But it makes me remember what I liked to do the most--read literature and sort through it.

That's about it. Thanks for checking back, even though there was nothing here for so long! If I get my head on straight I'll post from camp.

Last night

2009-07-07T20:57:00.003-04:00

As we were doing some yard work, the kids kept stopping to answer text messages and I kept stopping to take pictures of the sky.

Mental rehab

2009-07-04T07:53:00.004-04:00

View from my chair on the deck last night

When I was in school, we had a long bus ride. I liked it, because I could stare out the window, or not, and just exist, breathing, eyes opened or closed, thoughts absolutely free. It was too bouncy/dark/cramped to really do anything, so I didn't. Unless a poem happened to occur to me or a few lines of a letter or story formed.

When our kids were little, I would sit outside their bedrooms in a comfortable chair, reading, or not, staring out the window, just existing. Sometimes something I had read or heard or memorized or had sung a lot pushed its way forward to my consciousness--other times not.

This summer I've been sitting on our deck every evening. Our kids have gotten busier and are often gone in the evenings and many of Joe's possible shifts overlap into evening hours. I could get lonely--and I do sometimes, but I try not to let myself--but mostly it's been the same downtime that has fed me for years.

Last night there was all this drama in the sky (as you can clearly see from the pictures). :) There were also some lame-but-still-illegal-in-Ohio fireworks and kids playing--laughing, then arguing, then laughing again--, some low-volumned piano music from somewhere, Taylor practicing drums, the neighbor's dog out for a little, Laurel joining me for a few minutes, a cool breeze, a bug buzzing, but not biting. I tried reading a little, but it was too much effort--not really what I wanted to do.

I can't express--because I think I don't know--what this time does for me. It's not the same as sleeping or resting or thinking or creating. It's more along the lines of sanity restoration. It's gotten to where I don't want to miss a night.

Last night bits and phrases of these words from Colossians kept floating through my head:

15-18 We look at this Son and see the God who cannot be seen. We look at this Son and see God's original purpose in everything created. For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank after rank of angels—everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him. He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it all together right up to this moment. And when it comes to the church, he organizes and holds it together, like a head does a body.

18-20 He was supreme in the beginning and—leading the resurrection parade—he is supreme in the end. From beginning to end he's there, towering far above everything, everyone. So spacious is he, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe—people and things, animals and atoms—get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of his death, his blood that poured down from the cross.

21-23 You yourselves are a case study of what he does. At one time you all had your backs turned to God, thinking rebellious thoughts of him, giving him trouble every chance you got. But now, by giving himself completely at the Cross, actually dying for you, Christ brought you over to God's side and put your lives together, whole and holy in his presence. You don't walk away from a gift like that! You stay grounded and steady in that bond of trust, constantly tuned in to the Message, careful not to be distracted or diverted. There is no other Message—just this one. Every creature under heaven gets this same Message.

What's coming

2009-07-01T15:50:00.004-04:00

Storm coming

I like storms. I love dark clouds rolling in, I thrill to hear thunder and seeing lightening is awesome. I like when the wind blows hard and the rain pounds (and hail!) and I love a deep, crazy snowstorm, too.

I know that storms can be dangerous. I don't stand in empty fields to experience their brunt (although what a rush that would be!). We still deal with residual emotional stress as a family from some tornadoes and flooding from 11 years ago when we lived in Cambridge.

Still, I like storms.

The hospital has decided which management groups they will have staff the ERs at the two hospitals where Joe works. He knows people from the groups and he knows quite a bit about the groups. He doesn't think they are a good fit for him, philosophically and medically and in other ways.

He is going to meet with people from these groups today and tomorrow and see what they have to say. And most likely he'll be looking at other hospitals.

Ahhhm, the stress is coming to a head. Storm's coming. And, I remind myself, I like storms.

Storms showcase God's power. Storms are out of human control. And the peace after storms is so much more profound than the time leading up to it.

Bring it on!

And while the storm brews, we've been biking and babysitting and visiting friends and reading books and eating homemade sliders and searching out new good music (surprisingly, I kinda like a screamer band that cuts out to really cool piano) and sitting on our newly repaired and repainted deck and watching movies (I do not recommend "Nights In Rodanthe" except for the very cool house that I saw in Dianne's pictures on Facebook--which inspired me to rent the movie--and the...storm!) and shopping for things like neon shoelaces and a new Bible and drummer chick jewelry.

I'm thinking we'll be fine.

Happy Birthday Taylor!

2009-06-24T20:10:00.004-04:00

(A small fraction of) Party food

Taylor is 17 today! This is a big deal because (as was explained to me by three 16 year olds this morning) he can drive with more than one person in his car and he can see R-rated movies. Umm, what? Maybe we won't celebrate that way just yet!

So he had a party planned based on a video game that was to be released yesterday. It's an interactive game for the Wii, and two friends were going to bring their Wiis over and they would set up 3 tvs and play.

And we bought frozen pizzas and cool junk food.

It would have been awesome.

But the game was not delivered yesterday. Today his two friends went to the video store. And when the game was not there yet, they decided to wait. So they played all the sample games in the store and rested on the floor (!) and when Taylor and Laurel were done with work this morning, they decided to meet them there with a pack of cards so they could play euchre while they waited.

Then they heard the game was not going to get there until 5 PM.

So they came here and ate food and managed to have what sounded like a really great time.

Then the game came in and they played--until time for youth group. And now they're all back, plus more.

Have I posted on here lately how much I love teenagers? They are creative and positive and fun and loud and generous and hopeful and they are a salve for my soul.

We've had a good time at summer rec, which ends tomorrow. Some highlights--the kid who asked about the tattoos I said they could choose when they finished their books: "Are they PERMANENT?"

And the girl who wrote a really good story about a girl playing softball, then concluded, fabulously, with "Then she grew an extra set of arms and turned into an alien. The End."

And the girl who hardly talks and when she does I can hardly hear: "This is my favorite class." Oh! She warmed my heart!

Can you believe there is still not a decision from the hospital on the ER management group? I think I have been posting so infrequently because I imagine you are all on the edge of your seats (as am I) waiting for news and there isn't any. And in the mean time, life is not only happening here, it is good. I just haven't been writing about it.

Some imagery that has been helpful for me lately is that of traveling on a road. I think I posted some thoughts earlier from Isaiah about the road the righteous travel. Sometimes our lives seem to be stuck, or stalled, or broken down, or at a dead end. We have said things lately like, "We can't leave," and "Our house wouldn't sell," and even, "We're trapped."

But the truth is, although our address may not change and our situation may not improve, we are traveling. That idea is such freedom to me! Here are some verses from Ephesians 4 (MSG):

...Get out there and walk--better yet, run!--on the road God called you to travel. I don't want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don't what anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline--not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences.

Thanks again for traveling with me!

Stayin' alive

2009-06-15T20:06:00.004-04:00

Laurel in the Miss Ohio parade (can you spot her?)

Clydesdales that were in the parade

We have another busy week here--until it calms way down. Laurel marched in her first parade in the high school band on Sunday. She and another freshman drummer were as good as anyone else in the parade (my humble, unbiased opinion :) ).

We still haven't figured out how to be band parents at parades. We parked too early in the parade route, then I walked along with the band to get to where I could pick Laurel up at the end. At one point the crowds were so thick I couldn't go behind them, so I had to walk in the street with the band. I was right behind the band director--so I either looked important or lost.

Taylor left on a mission trip to Kentucky. The group will be building things for some people in Appalachia. These trips always seem to have unexpected lessons/blessings/joys, and although we really miss him, I know he is growing...

I am teaching at our city's Summer Recreation program this week and next. The kids in the class I teach write and publish a book during the course. Their enthusiasm and creativity have energized me today; they are fun people. I do love the artistic type!

Laurel is leaving tomorrow to spend the rest of the week with friends at the Alive festival. She is very excited. She's never done anything like this--she likes to be home and with us, so this is a real step. I am so proud of her maturity, but I am going to miss her, too, the rest of this week!

So Joe and I have some date nights planned. Yeah, that works. :)

I have no real updates on Joe's job. I feel kind of dumb that I keep posting that, but the entire situation is a little mind-numbing. It has worn at me and I am tired in my spirit. So the couple of kids who made me laugh today and the bike ride that I was sure I could not do (then had to really kick it to catch up with Laurel after stopping to chat with a friend) and the tight harmonies in House of Heroes, an alternative band singing at Alive, and words from my friend, Isaiah, were mercies today. As were your thoughts and prayers...thanks so much!

Isaiah 40:27-31 (The Message)

27-31Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
or, whine, Israel, saying,
"God has lost track of me.
He doesn't care what happens to me"?
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind.

Our pastor rocks

2009-06-10T17:12:00.003-04:00

Seriously. Our church hosted a worship conference last night with Andrew Ironside from Hillsong and a band from Cleveland of guys ages 17-22. We learned a lot of really great stuff. One thing Andrew talked about was trying to aim for 5 levels of dynamic in volume. (He said most churches tend to go back and forth between level 3--medium and level 4--loud and it's kind of...boring. But we knew that from high school band, right?)

Anyway, Andrew demonstrated levels 1-4 with his voice and a guitar. He said he would spare his instrument and our ears from level 5 but that it was very loud.

At that point, our pastor asked if the young band (called His Name High, see pic above) could demonstrate level 5 for us.

And they did, very well!

It was very encouraging and exciting for the two drummers in our family and for the other kids there from the youth worship team from our church and other churches. These guys played skillfully and passionately and worshipfully. And loudly. And I was reminded again how thankful I am for our pastor.

In other news, we took a quick trip to California last week for some family visiting and celebrating the end of the school year. It was fun, but way too short.

Next week Taylor is going on a mission trip to Appalachia with the youth group and Laurel is going to the Alive festival (outdoor concerts) with friends. I am teaching at Summer Rec. and Joe is working.

The hospital still has not reached a decision about the management group for the ER. I have felt what must be a miraculous strengthening of my faith (thanks, all of you who have been praying...) because I know how I tend to think on my own.

That's really about it. Oh yeah, and Laurel's hair is purple. :)

The latest

2009-06-01T15:31:00.003-04:00

Friday was the last day of school. It was very exciting. It was better than Christmas for the kids!

We are off to California for a last-minute, very-brief visit to Pete and Corinne. Laurel will be spending her birthday at Disneyland--should be fun!

The hospital still has not made a decision on a management group for the ER, so we are still in limbo. (My good attitude is getting a little harder to maintain...).

And, the largest employer in our county, a GM plant, announced today it will be closing.

Sometimes I let my emotions run where they will. I let my imagination take dark turns and I let my fears scream. I don't usually like where I end up.

Sometimes (spontaneously or, most often, as an act of will) I worship. I like that landing place so much better. Today I thought of Isaiah 61:10-11:

Isaiah 61:10-11 (The Message)

I will sing for joy in God,
explode in praise from deep in my soul!
He dressed me up in a suit of salvation,
he outfitted me in a robe of righteousness,
As a bridegroom who puts on a tuxedo
and a bride a jeweled tiara.
For as the earth bursts with spring wildflowers,
and as a garden cascades with blossoms,
So the Master, God, brings righteousness into full bloom
and puts praise on display before the nations.

Forgot exciting

2009-05-27T08:58:00.003-04:00

Our weekend was fun. I think I heard from someone once a suggestion to have two gatherings in a row, while you're in the mode, your stuff is in order, you remember what worked and what didn't. So we had two parties in two nights. How fun is that? Good friends, good food. My neighbor brought a wagonful of corn on the cob that she had stuck in the oven at 350 F for 30 minutes. It was beautifully steamed--and she did 50 ears at once!

(One of Taylor's highlights of the weekend was hearing her say, "I hope I didn't make too much...")

Our weekend was busy. We cleaned and planted and shopped and cooked and conversed. And studied. And put out a fire.

Our weekend was loud. The shopping trip to Columbus (with too many people for me to go along, remember?) resulted in a new drum kit for the kids. VERY cool, very nice, very loud! The kids took drum lessons for just a few weeks before track started and I told their teacher that their practicing didn't bother me, and I was a little surprised by that. He said it's because they are able to keep the beat correctly. I also think it was because the kit they were borrowing didn't make the house shake.

I didn't predict that the weekend would be as exciting as it turned out. The teens were hanging out around the fire pit, adults and kids were everywhere else. It was fun, busy and loud. And then someone shouted, "The deck's on fire!"

We're not sure what happened exactly, but there was a fire burning underneath the fire pit as well as in it. So Joe got the fire extinguisher and we all gathered around the hole burnt in our deck.

Joe said the fire had fallen through the grate in the fire pit, and it was very hot and had been burning for a while. And our wooden deck got...hot!

So it was exciting--actually quite a bit of excitement for no one getting hurt and not too complicated repair!

School is on the home stretch. We're ready for summer. And if it was anything like this weekend--bring it on!

Fun busy loud

2009-05-24T16:10:00.002-04:00

Laurel with her new hat

This is our weekend and we're barely started. We have a bonfire tonight, another one tomorrow night, a shopping trip to Columbus (from which I've been bumped--not enough seats).

We have four days of school left--3 for Taylor who is exempt from all the exams one day.

Ton dePh has another concert Friday.

So we are studying and practicing and cleaning and playing and eating and laughing and going full speed ahead.

The hospital has not made a decision about a new management group for the ER so we are still unclear about what Joe's job will be.

So it's good to have a lot going on. I don't want to worry and fear, and, today--and much of the time--I'm not.

Mother's day 2009

2009-05-21T17:47:00.009-04:00

It's old news now, but we had a wonderful mother's day with my parents, Joe's parents and Dianne and Gabe and their family. And yes, we ate well.

Fresh fruit ambrosia

Raspberry orange sour cream muffins

Herbed egg strudel

Dulce de leche cheesecake (we also had strawberry-rhubarb pie that Di made)

The food coma that followed (all photos are by Laurel)

Raspberry orange sour cream muffins (from "Small Parties" by Marguerite Marceau Henderson)

2 cups bread flour
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
4 tablespoons butter, melted
1 cup sour cream
1 large egg
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
zest of 1 large orange
1 1/2 cups fresh raspberries

TOPPING

2 tablespoons raw sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Place 12 paper muffin liners in a 12-cup tin. In a medium bowl, combine the flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. In another bowl, whisk the butter, sour cream, egg, vanilla extract and orange zest. Add the dry ingredients to wet ingredients and stir just to combine. Do not overmix. Stir in the raspberries. Divide the mixture among the muffin cups using an ice cream scoop. In a small bowl, combine the raw sugar and cinnamon. Sprinkle the muffins with the sugar-cinnamon mixture. Bake on the middle rack of prehadted 400-degree-F oven for 15 to 18 minutes. Cool slightly before serving.

Such a lovely day

2009-05-11T20:48:00.011-04:00

What a nebulous title. It does not begin to indicate the many shots of beauty that pierced me. For example:

Then edited by the very talented Laurel:

This handsome guy had more vanity issues and diva attitude than entire groups of women

The tulips at Kingwood are fabulous. Plus, I had a delicious lunch and good conversation with Aunt Heidi, Aunt Cynthia and Allyson.

At our church's mother/daughter banquet tonight, Brooke Wesner, a professional ballerina who attends our church, and her daughters, performed for our program. It was so very beautiful. I was not only ministered to; the deep places in my soul that get fed by creativity were sated.

And another. Ending the day full.

At the track meet today

2009-05-07T20:59:00.003-04:00

Love love love the sky

Feeling better today

2009-05-05T07:24:00.004-04:00

A little pansy by my sink

Most mornings I wake up and have no real consciousness (except maybe thirst) for about an hour. My kids know this and often save information that might provoke a reaction they don't want for this time. I have signed things, given money and permission, and done their chores for them in a dazed state.

Some mornings I wake up with dread; usually it dissipates as the fogginess does.

Some mornings, like today, I wake up and something has been fixed or repaired overnight (something, not everything, and not necessarily permanently) while I was not thinking or reasoning or moving. These mornings are gifts.

The Message (MSG)
Lamentations 3:22-24 God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.

I've been reading the sermon on the mount for about a week. I love these words, straight from the mouth of Jesus.

Matthew 6:30-34 (The Message)

30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

34"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Thanks again for praying for me and for us. God is good.

Not much

2009-05-04T09:44:00.003-04:00

Cutie pies at last Friday's concert

We've been very busy with many things--an honors reception at school, track meets, band concerts (school, toN dePh, and church), a half-marathon (Joe ran last Saturday), et cetera.

The only thing that has happened on the job front is that some opportunities we had thought were available have closed.

I try to be very careful about how I process difficult things in my life. I have done a poor job on many occasions and one thing I know I need to do is to not stay too long in a place of negative thinking, because it leads to depression. I don't think I am in denial or trying to avoid dealing with issues. They are there and I am very aware of that. But I can go over to despair and take my family with me and so it has been a practice or discipline of mine (attempted, at least!) over the past few years to wait and see and be deliberate about hope and joy. Some days it's hard--like the past few. So I'm sorry I haven't updated much. I want to be honest without digging myself into a hole.

Thanks for the prayers--they mean so very much.

Vodka Cream Pasta and other things

2009-04-25T16:32:00.003-04:00

The sky last night

Let's just start with the fact that this sauce was so easy and so good it's easy to see why Rachael Ray considers it one of her best. Here's the recipe:

You-Won't-Be-Single-For-Long Vodka Cream Pasta

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon butter
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 shallots, minced
1 cup vodka
1 cup chicken stock
1 can (28 oz.) crushed tomatoes
Coarse salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
1/2 cup heavy cream
12 ounces pasta, such as penne rigate
20 leaves fresh basil, shredded or torn
Crusty bread

Put large pot of salted water on to boil.

Heat a large skillet over moderate heat. Add oil, butter, garlic and shallots. Gently saute garlic and shallots, 3 to 5 minutes. Add vodka in a steady stream. Reduce vodka by half, 2 or 3 minutes. Add chicken stock and tomatoes. Bring sauce to a bubble, then reduce heat to simmer. Season with salt and pepper.

While sauce simmers, cook pasta in salted boiling water until al dente. Stir cream into vodka sauce. When sauce returns to a bubble remove from heat. Drain pasta. Toss hot pasta with sauce and basil leaves. Serve immediately with crusty bread.

This recipe is totally worth the calories--let me know if you try it!

In other news, it's gorgeous today! It helps with the demeanor. We just found out this week that the company who took over management of the emergency departments where Joe works last December is going to be leaving because they aren't able to staff the departments. Most of the other doctors in the local area gave their notice and will be leaving, so Joe did, too--just to be sure he won't be stuck with even more shifts at the end.

We don't think we are leaving but all the upheaval makes it difficult to imagine a stable job situation here. There are ramifications we don't see (but how normal is that?). And there are also opportunities for trust that we don't get every day.

We were not allowed to say anything a few days ago when we first heard what was going on, but a mention of a "bad day" on facebook brought such support from dear friends who don't have to know the whole story to still care--thank you! You don't know how I hung on to your words...

I am trying to process everything in a correct way. I haven't yet, quite, so I won't try to on here, right now.

So I am looking at the flower petals that are landing on me and watching the new painting in the sky every day and wondering at a God who gives people ideas for things like vodka cream sauce.....He must really love me.

Miscellany

2009-04-17T16:51:00.007-04:00

Just outside my door--such a happy color!

We are officially in Too Busy to Blog season. So sorry--I miss you all! Here are a few gatherings from lately....

Our family Easter tradition--lamb cake

Laurel's laces

I love Josiah's intensity

Playing Rock Band

And finally, a poem that describes today in so many ways! Hope it makes you smile!

Laughing Song by William Blake

When the green woods laugh with the voice of joy,
And the dimpling stream runs laughing by;

When the air does laugh with our merry wit,
And the green hill laughs with the noise of it;

When the meadows laugh with lively green,
And the grasshopper laughs in the merry scene,

When Mary and Susan and Emily
With their sweet round mouths sing "Ha, ha, he!"

When the painted birds laugh in the shade,
Where our table with cherries and nuts is spread:

Come live, and be merry, and join with me,
To sing the sweet chorus of "Ha, ha, he!"

Success!

2009-04-01T20:46:00.002-04:00

Sometimes it's hard to evaluate success as a mother. Second-guessing my parenting is kind of a pastime I've toyed with over the years. The paintball gun? Fifteen 8-12 year old girls for an overnighter? The cat? Ummmmmmmmmmaybe not.

I admit to being proud of one area in particular. I've been able to fool my children on April Fool's day for about 12 years straight.

This is no small feat. They are smarter than me, for one, and their sense of trickery, especially regarding food on April 1, has been honed over the years.

I claim victory every year, even though they may have been fooled only for mere seconds. The jello in the drinking glasses was obvious when the straw didn't move as it was being pulled over. The candy peas and carrots looked real but the coloring ran when they were touched. The mashed potatoes and gravy in the ice cream bowls was....warm.

We've had great successes: meatloaf cake with mashed potato icing, cake covered with icing to look like spaghetti and meatballs (the meatballs were chocolate), and last year a Popeye's biscuit box that they were convinced had something other than their favorite biscuits--but didn't!

This year I wasn't there to witness the surprise. I opened bags of Cheetos and put carrots in and glued it back shut. Taylor was alone when he opened his, so he was just mildly disconcerted. Laurel's friends watched her dump them out. It was "freaky". One friend said, "Cheetos are dehydrated carrots???"

A few details that helped me succeed this year were a three-week plan of advanced help in packing their lunches--each day doing just one thing more, out of the kindness of my heart as well as a desire to have access to their routines. I also didn't mention April 1 at all, having apparently completely forgotten.

It was fun. I love our tradition. And anyone with any ideas for next year, please contact me privately! :)

My new friend, and sausage and biscuits

2009-03-31T21:51:00.002-04:00

Laurel throwing the discus

It's track meet time! This picture was taken yesterday. Laurel did well! It was sunny and cold. Today I was at Taylor's meet and it was warm and rainy. Then, just before Taylor threw the discus, a major wind gust started blowing. No one threw well into it--it was a little weird.

I was unfamiliar with the track at this particular school, and I asked someone in the concession stand, "Where would I find shot put and discus?" She asked, "Sausage and biscuits?" I said, "Sure, that sounds great; but I'm looking for the people throwing the shotput and discus...."

Also, I have a new friend. I haven't seen him--or her--yet. It's a bird who sits outside my window and sings a perfect descending arpeggio in the key of C, 4/4 time, two quarter notes on the top C, a half on the G, two quarters on E and a half on C. It is so absolutely delightful, I love this bird, sight unseen.

How about you all? Have you been outside? Have you been misunderstood? Have you made friends with any birds?